Immortal Soul

2004-01-23T19:04:00.000+10:00

Don't you just hate a sequel?

2003-12-30T14:27:00.000+10:00

And Rae lived happily ever after.

The End

2003-12-22T16:51:00.000+10:00

Mnemolth, get your butt online. I need your help. I need to know if it's possible to have cursive writing using CSS. So...yeah.

2003-12-19T23:28:00.000+10:00

The 'snake' turned out to be a rather large blue tongue lizard. I thought it hilarious. I spent the entire time giggling over it. It didn't help the Jessica and the rest of her family turned up and so I was able to relate the tale to them.

There's not going to be anything brilliantly inspiring or deep in here today. Way things have been going in this blog, it won't for a while.

2003-12-18T14:58:00.000+10:00

Mum comes home today to a lovely surprise; it seems a snake has taken up residence in her wardrobe. Any one want to take bets on what type of snake it is? The guy is coming now, I believe. I'll let you know then..

2003-12-14T00:12:00.000+10:00

Look, look, see? New quote. I found it at this place called Fan Realm -- very cool place. I was invited to join, which was even cooler. It seems that I'm slowly starting to become...known...in the fanfiction world. I mean, no where near Cassie Claire, but in my own little corner, sure. Which is pretty exciting. Some people struggles for ages and still never get any acknowledgement of their work.

Anyway, it's late, I'm tired, and I'm babbling. Nighty-night.

2003-12-10T11:25:00.000+10:00

I was cleaning up last night; going through some papers and files in my folders and on my table, and I decided that I'd make a folder of all my old writing things. I've since done that, and I'm actually very impressed with how much I've writing through the years. A lot of it is crap, pure and simple, but every now and then I'd have a flash of potential. My worst stuff was written on paper, but I already knew that. I dislike paper because I can never go back and change the wording -- I edit as I write.

But there are a few things I don't even remember writing. A couple of scenes with no story surrounding them, just stuff I wanted to write. And then there's my stories from exams -- which are never higher than a B4, and only then once. I'm not good if I don't have time to work on a plot. I even found some poetry I'd written, and I was sure I'd never written poetry. I found a story Claire Irvine and I had written, called, "Mother Goose Land," which was a fairy tale. And my first ever story -- which wasn't The Organisation, like I'd thought it was -- but one called Dear Diary. It was crap, yessiree, and I don't even know how I started to write it. I think I saw a movie on TV and said, "I can write a better story than that," and proceeded to do it. Although, it appears I couldn't. The story was only a few pages long, but I can't believe I just said, "I'm going to write a story," and then never stopped writing them. I suppose I'm impressed.

It's funny how, in 18 pages of story, only two paragraphs are actually worth keeping. But those two paragraphs are what are spurring me on, because I figure, if I can write like that in my near to first story, then I have some hope somewhere.

And now I feel like an ass, because I never dated my works, and I can't remember which came first and which came before which.

2003-12-08T09:47:00.000+10:00

Heh. Figured I might as well.

What is your name? Kathryn.
Spell your name backwards. Nyrhtak
Date of birth: 20th of June
Male or female? Female
Astrological sign: Gemini. [Yeah. I'm to faced, watch out.]
Nicknames: Kat, Kate, Katy, Katie, Kathy, KM.
Occupation? Student.
Height: 167 centimetres in flat feet.
Hair color: [Yeah, this is the real reason I did this quiz.] RED! Ha! I'm not blonde anymore!
Eye color: Blue
Where were you born? Sydney
Where do you reside now? Queensland.
Age: 15
Screen names: Lady Asphy
E-mail addy: strawberryhope@hotmail.com
What does your screen name stand for? Lady Asphyxia
What is your gangsta name? Um... Lady A?
What does your diary name stand for? Arnica? It's a poisonous herb that's used to treat bruises.
Pets: 1 dog. Flash.
Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake? I haven't had a birthday cake with candles since I was about...8. So...9? [8 candles and one to grow with.]
Piercings? Ears.
Tattoos? None
Righty or lefty? Lefty! Power to the lefties!
Wearing right now: My nightie.
Hearing: Lithium by Nirvana
Feeling: Liam. *cough* I mean, content.
Eating/drinking: Nothing.

~Guys/Love/Kissing/And Other Stuff~
Have you ever been in love? In love, no.
How many people have you told "I love you"? Or something to that effect? Probably more than 20, at least. I love many people.
How many people have you been in love with? None.
How many people have you kissed? Properly or peck? Properly, one. Peck, lots.
Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? No.
How many people have you dated? One.
What do you look for in a guy/girl? Gah. I listed them all off to Ben and now I'm supposed to remember? Ask him.
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex? Height.
What type of guy/girl do you usually go for? I don't know. Tall...darker hair, erm...I don't know.
Do you have a bf/gf? No! I am proud to say I don't! I decided that I don't really want to date in High School. Lol. Unless I get swept off my feet by a tall dark stranger. *snorts*
If so where did you meet them? Yeah. Right.
What do you like most about your bf/gf? *sighs*
Do you have a crush right now? This is what I get for doing quizzes. No. I do not.
If so who is it? Yeah. I'm going to announce to the world at large about this person who does not exist. Oh, all right. I love you Big Bird!
Do you believe in love at first sight? Sure. I read romance novels, don't I?
Do you remember your first love? Oh, gosh, yes. We were in grade one...
Who is the first person you kissed? Mark. duh.
Do you believe in fate? No.
Do you believe in soul mates? Yes.
If so do you believe you'll ever find yours? Nope.

~Family Stuff~
How many siblings do you have? 3
What are your parents names? Sherry, and Jeff.
What are your siblings names? Tracey, Andrea, and Michael.
How many siblings does your mother have? When they were all still alive...6, I think.
How many siblings does your father have? When they were all still alive...4. But one died at birth and Dad died in '94.
Where are your parents from? New Zealand and Australia.
Is your family close? Relatively so.
Does your family get together for holidays? Sometimes.
Do you have a drunk uncle? Nope.
Any medical problems run through your family? Yeah. Lol. Death. *grins* Sadly enough, everyone in my family is going to succumb to it one day.
Does someone in your family wear a toupee? Gosh, I hope not.
Do you have any nieces or nephews? 2.
Are your parents divorced? No. One's dead.
Do you have step parents? Nope.
Has your family ever disowned another member of your family? Nope.
Did some of your family come to America from another country? Nope.

~Music Stuff~
What song do you swear was written about you or your life? None. I'm quite happy to write my own songs, thank you very much.
What's the most embarrasing cd you own? Oh, oh! As if I'd tell you!
What's the best CD you own? Marilyn Manson -- Golden Age of Grotesque.
What song do you absolutely hate? I'm rather sick of Not Me, Not I.
Do you sing in the shower? Yes. All the time.
What song reminds you of that special someone? Which special someone?

2003-12-06T22:04:00.000+10:00

I'm tired, and I'm frustrated, and I want to write, but I hate everything I write. It doesn't help that when I feel like writing, I can't, because my brother's there and he won't let me use the computer. I can't write on paper; I hate my handwriting, and the font I use has an adverse effect on my writing. I haven't written anything for days, but I want to. I told my brother than I wanted to do some writing, and he looked at me like, "What's that got to do with anything?" Annoyance is creeping up my spine, and believe me, unless I do something, someone is going to get the full brunt of it.

2003-12-02T14:24:00.000+10:00

Heh. I've yet to call Liam. I told him I'd call before, but we both kow it's goign to take forever, 'cause we always talk for hours, so I wanted to get the stuff I have to do out of the way. Which I still haven't. This is, however, my third blog post. I said to myself, I said, "Katy, you're going to post in all your blogs today." Now I only have two to go -- Niffler and Bitter Sweet. And I can't post in Bitter Sweet, 'cause it's an updates site for my website, so that's down the drain. As for Niffler, well, I'll do that after this one.

Niffler's a reccomendations site for Harry Potter fanfiction, so I'll have to find some good fanfiction -- which is quite hard in the fandom. There's so much crap out there. Maybe I'll just plug myself and reccomend my works. It'd be a lot easier than finding someone else's.

So, there's a new blog post in myOtaku, as well, although I don't think it's a very good post -- my brain was sort of wandering, and my point dawdled away from me. And then there's a new one in my journal for writing stuff -- it's full of random scribbles that I come up with from time to time. Nothing really interesting, sorry.

I'm going shopping with Erica tomorrow. We're going to buy me some hair dye, I think. Something in red, hopefully. Just a rinse, but I'll take pictures and post them either on OB, myO, or here. I've yet to decide that.

I'm currently reading The Velvet Promise. It's a romance novel. I should be reading Dave's book, but it's so long and I'm not feeling motivated. I'll get to that book soon. *nods* I will.

2003-11-30T19:05:00.000+10:00

You know something? I think I'm doomed never to go to a social event I have prior knowledge of. There's a huge social on tonight down at the Powerhouse -- 18 years and under only. Now, my friend and I planned to go on Friday, and we thought it was on Saturday. Saturday night we resigned ourselves to not going, because we couldn't find out when it started. She calls me up about ten minutes ago and tells me that it's actually on tonight. So now I only have two hours to get ready and do what I need to do. I do not have enough time. Well, actually, I suppose I do, but that's beside the point.

So, I guess I'm going to a social. A huge one, at that.

However, it starts at 9, and it finishes at 1am. Mum said I can't stay till 1am -- for obvious reasons, partly because she has to start work at 6 in the morning (which means getting up at about 5). Erica's leaving at 10:30, so I might leave 10:30/11 ish. I'm not sure. It'd depend, partly on...you know...who's there. I mean if it's great, I'll want to stay, right? And if it isn't, well, I'll want to leave.

It's at 9.00 at the Powerhouse, admission is $5, and you need your ID.

*nods* This will be fun.

The only question left is: What am I going to wear??

2003-11-25T18:11:00.000+10:00

I've been feeling lately. It was really quite interesting. I'm a head orientated person; I like patterns, and when something doesn't make sense I either discard it, repress it, or convince myself it isn't there. But lately I've sort of realised that it's very unhealthy for me, that if I keep doing that, I'll end up a total wreck.

So, instead of thinking, I've been feeling. And along with that came my observations of people. I've noticed that many people have a limp, or favour one side when they walk. The younger generations sort of wander aimlessly, the older walk with purpose. Everyone sticks together, although, that could just be in the shopping centre. If they wear thongs or slides, they tend to scuff their feet.

Humankind is actually very interesting. I think I should feel and watch more.

2003-11-22T16:07:00.000+10:00

Anyway, today was a good day. I had a lot of fun. I went shopping with my mother, who -- as you might know -- is one of the coolest mothers on earth. No really, she is. She didn't even have to buy me something for me to say that, so you have to know how cool she is. My brother was there too, but he was okay. Not brilliant, but okay.

Anyway, we went to the library and I got out some romance novels for Dave and Liam. [I'll tell you guys about that later.] Then afterwards we went to the bank, and I was jsut standing there, waiting -- having finished all my banking -- and these two guys walk in. And, oh my, was one of them hot. I mean...wow. I know everyone is going to laugh at how much of a girl I'm being, but you cannot understand how good looking this guy was. Mmm...let me try to describe him [and no laughing, now, you hear?]:

He had black hair -- dyed, I'm pretty sure -- and he was most definately goth. Black pants and the sweetest jacket I have ever seen. Its an old army jacket -- german, maybe, I'm not sure -- and it was black. It went down to about his knees, I think. And he was just...yeah, well, anyway.

Mum was standing next to me and I look him over as I walk in, then turn back to him, and Mum waits until they're out of earshot, then grins and says, "Well, he was checkin you out." And I look back at him and shrug. Mum's like, "Are you blushing?" "No." I reply. Anyway, we were about to leave and I look back at him again. Then he started walking out of the bank behind us, so I turn around again and smile at him, then follow my Mum. When we got to the elevators, I turned around to look for him, but he'd left already.

*grins* So, yeah. That was my -- flirtations? *snicker* amorous adventure? -- for the day. It was fun.

But, god, I love that jacket.

Anyway, back to Liam and Dave's romance novels. I made a bet, a challenge, whatever you want to call it, with them. I was going to ask Flynn, and Luci too, but I never got around to it. I told them that I'd read any book they wanted if they'd read a romance novel. And they accepted. I mean, I'm getting the raw deal here. At the moment, I'm supposed to read around 1,000 pages for this bet, so yeah. I went to the library today and chose some books just for them. Heh. ^_^ It'll be fun. They got Mills and Boon style ones, although there are some longer ones that they can read if they want.

I bought quite a few books today, too. Two from Angus & Robinson for $5 each. One was called City of God, which I haven't read but will get around to it, and the other was called Have Some Sand, and it was all these quotes and postcards on romance, which I thought was amusing. Then I went to A Novel Expirience, which is a second hand bookstore.

In A Novel Expirience, I bought a Jude Deveraux book called The Taming, Lord of the Flies, a Judith McNaught book called Once & Always, and a 4 Mills & Boon by Susan Napier. [Can you tell I read a lot of romance books?]

Anyway, something very good happened while I was at A Novel Expirience. Mum said to the owner, "Do you have any part time positions here?"

And the owner says, "Well, I have one lady who comes in on Tuesdays, but I've been thinking I might need to hire some help for the Christmas period, because she could be busier." Then she asks me, "Do you have any expirience with books?" Which, of course, I do. I mean, I did work expirience at the Library. And then she says, "What about numbers? Are you good with numbers? Sometimes it gets busy and you need to know how to do things in your head," and I'm like, "Yeah. I learnt how volunteering at the Netball Canteen." And so the owner takes down my name and number and says, "Well, if I decide to get some help during the holidays, I'll give you a call."

So, I may have a job.

Yes, today was a very good day.

[And Liam, I was going to post in SYF, but I couldn't, because it's storming here. Sorry, darlin'. I will ASAP! Promise!]

2003-11-18T15:54:00.000+10:00

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I just. God, he's such a fucking bastard. I need to get out of the house this weekend. I don't care what I do, I just...I need to get out. I can't stand my brother much longer. Bastard. Just shut the hell up and leave me alone. Now. Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP.

2003-11-17T20:47:00.000+10:00

An extract from my novel-to-be:

"It's like...everyone is floating on a cloud -- and never knowing when the cloud will give way. We're all just sitting there, happily. We're fine. We're up in the clouds. Life goes well. But then it gives way, and you're falling...just falling. It happens to everyone. But the question is -- how far will you fall? And will you have a parachute to save you -- or will you finally fall to far to breathe? It's the chance that's the enticing part. That's why we are all enticed by fallen angels. They're like us -- only they got to heaven."

Theresa leaned back and looked at me. There was fear in her eyes. "I'll stop you from falling."

"You can't. You'll just get sucked in and pulled down."

"I'll break it, then."

I smiled sadly. "I'm already too far gone." There was a silence as Theresa registered that statement. "You can't save me from this place."

2003-11-15T21:37:00.000+10:00

So, I had a couple of people say that I'm taking the whole break up thing pretty well. I wasn't, a while ago. I was slightly more mess like than I prefer to have people think. But I've become sort of philosophical, now. I mean, Mark was, first and foremost, my friend. And we'd [I'd say 'I'd, but he broke up with me, so...yeah...sounds wrong.] like it to stay that way, you know? And lately, well, we haven't been friends. I'm not sure about his side of things, but either I was angry with him or I was upset, and I sat there thinking, 'This can't go on. I can't handle much more.' I'd rather stay his friend than go out with him, you know?

Maybe it sounds odd, or something. But it makes sense to me.

2003-11-15T18:31:00.000+10:00

New e-mail address; strawberryhope@hotmail.com

2003-11-15T12:03:00.000+10:00

A General Announcement

Just letting you guys know; Mark and I broke up. Just to resolve any questions you might have had. *shrug* Yeah. It happens

2003-11-11T18:41:00.000+10:00

Plato said, "A life unexamined is not worth living." And I agree. He and Socrates had the right idea, in my opinion. They both looked at the idea of self-actualisation. Of knowing yourself. I mean, it's a concept that intruiges most people, myself included. Imagine knowing yourself so well, knowing exactly how you would react in a certain situation. Knowing your faults and your strengths.

But I'm regressing.

Plato said, "A life unexamined is not worth living." I agree with that statement, and I usually try to stay true to myself. However, lately, there's something that's come to bother me. Other people's opinions of me. Not so much whether or not they like me -- it's their decision, after all, and personalities will clash. But of my 'ditziness'.

Now, originally, I was all for this opinion. I found it rather incredibly funny, because I'd never seen myself as a ditz, and anyone I wnet to Primary School hadn't either. Besides, everyone seemed to be treating it as a joke, and if it's funny, I'll laugh.

But lately, to me, it seems that people don't think of it as a joke. They actually believe that I am a ditz. And now I don't find it funny, because, to be honest, it hurts. A lot.

Yes, I may be ditzy on occasion. And yes, I may be sheltered. I may not know classic well-known bands, and I may have had a 'deprived' childhood. But that doesn't make me a ditz, and it really hurts when people seem to classify me as such. The fact that they describe me as such -- to a person who's never even met me -- really upsets me.

And I've been looking at my latest journal entries, compared to ones when I first started 'blogging'. And all of a sudden, I've discovered that somehow, along the way, I have become a ditz. And that knowledge seriously makes me want to cry, because I know I'm not.

I am not a ditz. And so I've decided it's time that I stop living down to other people's expectations, and start living up to mine.

Because I don't want to be classified as a 'ditz' because of a few things which were ditzy.

2003-11-08T09:22:00.000+10:00

I know some people are probably expecting me to post about my time at Jeremy's and Lucy's, but I don't particularly wish to. It's rather childish, but I'd rather forget about it. I had -- needless to say -- a rather bad time. Bad enough for me to end up crying at school, not once but three times. Once in drama, and twice during recess. I'm not sure how many people noticed -- I'm pretty sure Mark clicked once, same time as Ellinore, and Liam did during Wednesday lunch -- but other than that, I think it was fine. But it's all academic, cause I'm okay now.

Anyways, this morning I got up at 7 and made a house out of lego. I ran out of pieces, so I couldn't finish the roof, but it looks good anyway. I also made a car to go in the driveway, and I put the tree and things in. It was fun. I wish someone was there to make it with -- and be childish with -- but there wasn't, so too bad.

And today I'm going to go shopping and to the library. Other people were going to come, but they're all busy, so I'll have to survive by myself, I suppose. There are a lot of things I need to do, but I forget them all, so I made a list. I think I lost the list, though, so I'll see if I remember it...

Shops

Mark's birthday present

Corinne's graduation present [I'll tell you about that later]

Blue cardboard

Brown cardboard

Overhead Transperency

Binding tape

Library

Holy Books

Job lists

To Kill A Mockingbird reference books

...I'm sure there were more, but I can't remember them. As for my assignments, I have French, Hospitality, Computers, Drama. And I have to read To Kill A Mockingbird for English -- we have an exam on it at some point. Mrs. Cruice, my English teacher, wants me to enter the Essay Competition on Peace. And then there's this Speech Competition on Thursday, so she suggested that I could write it over the weekend, and use it then. I'm not sure if I want to do it. Everyone else is telling me not to bother -- I don't really like the prize in the Essay Competition, and I don't really want to make a speech on Thursday. My days of speech writing are over.

But then, Mrs. Cruice was really helpful and supportive, and if she wants me to finish the year by entering another competition, it's the least I can do, right? And it isn't as if I've never been in a speech competition before, is it? I mean, I came first in the Mater Dei speech competition in grade 7. And I've done speeches in class. Colette will be in the senior division, so my competition would all be my age or younger. And I've done things on peace before, so I could adapt the ideas if I wanted to. Thing is, I'm not sure if I want to. Oh well, I'll figure it out eventually. I always do.

Back to Corinne's present. Mark got all annoyed with me because I wasbeing stubborn about it, and he was right. So I'm going to see if people want to contribute money for it. So I'll set a limit and then buy the present, and then they can pay me back. It's the easiest way to work it. I have to call Ellinore and Dave about it before I leave this morning. Apparently, the time Mark, Ellinore and Alison went [I think they were pissed off with me, which was why they didn't invite me] Mark was trying to think what to get her, but couldn't come up with something. I was thinking maybe, if we had enough money, we could get her something from The Silver Shop. It's pretty expensive, but it's good quality and it's proper silver. And she wears silver. But I don't know. I'd really like a second opinion on this, but no one else will be there, so I'll just have to try and use my good judgement and whatever taste I have. Eh, I'll put it to Ellinore when I call her.

Mark was going to call if he isn't busy. He's busy so often I don't know when to call, so I'll leave it up to him.

2003-10-23T21:21:00.000+10:00

I feel like calling someone. Someone who knows my every action, who understands what I'm thinking, who I don't need to talk to. Well, no, not completely. I feel like talking too, to someone who saw me grow up. But no one knows me that well. There's Jessa, but I don't talk to her on the phone. So who else is there? Gah, yes, I know who else there is.

I feel like calling Zara. But I can't call Zara. I haven't seen Zara in around five years. Five years of abscence doesn't really contribute to knowing a person well.

It's just...the last time I saw her, she was so...like me. And I remember we'd always compete for who was taller. And I'm wondering lately if she'd have that title yet, or if I'd retain it. But mostly, I just want her to be here and understand me.

God, I don't even know if she's moved or not, or where she goes to school, or how her brother is, or if she has a boyfriend. I hope she's still happy.

I guess it's because I haven't spoken -- no, that's not correct, sorry -- I haven't interacted properly with anyone for a while. Possibly even two weeks. But, you know, 'dem's da knocks.'

Besides, I'm sick of being self-pitying. I'm going to go post in Liam's RPG.

2003-10-20T18:48:00.000+10:00

So, yes, I've changed the template, yet again. I realised that all the light grey was depressing me, so I decided to brighten it up, and I looked up this template, and presto, new template. I'm actually getting quite good at HTML -- sooner or later, I might tell my Web Design teacher that I know HTML. Probably not, though. Heh. It's fun to smirk behind his back when he says "Nobody uses this anymore."

Geh. Lots of stuff going on, and I'm too lazy to bother posting about it. However -- it's possible that I might win Otaku Idol. I'm not sure which judges have to vote yet, if any. Heh..

That's about all, really.

2003-10-14T16:18:00.000+10:00

So I come home yesterday, and my brother had been at home because he'd had a pain in his side. He'd been to the doctor, and the doctor put him in for X-Rays, and apparently, Michael has a broken rib. Go Michael!

2003-10-01T10:37:00.000+10:00

Ha. I've found myself a server, and I now have my first ever website up on the net. See:

Bitter Sweet

And I did it all myself...with some help from Mnemolth, about the colours and stuff. But basically, I did it all myself. And, I'm very proud of myself for this, so don't burst my bubble or anything like that.

Heh. Now all I need to do is find myself some stories.

2003-09-29T23:26:00.000+10:00

I suppose that, since I haven't posted in a little while, I should probably...you know...get my butt into gear instead of sitting around and bludging as I usually do.

I went to Jessa's place for a few days while my mother was away for her University course. I didn't do much, really (I think that's my entry for the understatement of the year contest!), although Jessa and I did finally get to work on a story I started in year Eight, she joined halfway through, and we stopped in Year 9. We've looked at the 18,000 words we did have, and realised how bad the writing is. We've also realised that I despise planning, and love the actual writing part, whereas Jessa loves planning, and dislikes the actual writing part. It seems like it could work out well. We'll both work on the plot, most likely, and probably stay with the basic original ideas, but our entire cast of characters is being completely overhauled and streamlined, so instead of the 16 main characters we used to have, we now have something like 8. Of course, those are the group. Then there are the two main characters, and it is all working out well, really. Actually, I'm thinking of making a thread on OB about improvement, and how far you've come in your writing and such -- I certainly find it interesting between my then works and now works. It's sort of odd about how I now post more in the Poetry Forum than in Otaku Lounge. I still browse the Lounge a lot, but I don't post -- I just can't find the motivation. Which is odd. I miss it, in some ways.

So, I guess I really am going to kick my butt into gear. Because I don't like this laziness much anymore.

2003-09-24T13:17:00.000+10:00

Went out yesterday, and saw some movies and played in the park. It was fun -- exhausting, but fun. I probably should have stayed home yesterday and packed, but I didn't bother, I just went out with friends and put packing off until today. I seem to be doing that a lot at the moment, seeing as I've putp ack off again, until now [1:05], and until I finish this entry. It needs to be done by 3:30, though, so I can't put it off for too long.

I got my report card today. It was just a tick report, though, nothing serious. My worst subject is Maths at this point, which is damned frustrating -- my last maths exam I got full marks. The one I didn't do well on was the one where I'd been away for a week and hadn't been able to learn the stuff, but Mr. Steward doesn't seem inclined to take that into account. Which, really, is quite all right, seeing as I'm not inclined to listen to a word he says anymore, anyway. He's a stupid pigheaded teacher who won't listen to someone when they're having problems, who is completely unapproachable, and who is extremely intolerant. So, its rather conveniant that I don't care if I do well in his class anymore. And while some people might call it stubborn, it isn't. It's just a compelte unwillingness to have to go through what that dickhead he believes is a teacher tries to put us through. Especially the comments about being 'stupid' and 'lazy', and that we should 'do Maths A', because we aren't smart enough or motivated enough to do even mediocre maths -- Maths B. So, to put it simply, if I get Mr. Stewart for Maths B next year, I will do everything possible to change out of his class, even if it means I have to drop some subjects I'd rather do. Of course, when Mrs. Dunne [who, apart from being the subject organiser, is also the Head of the maths Department] asks me why I'm changing everything, it'll be my pleasure to say, "I will do anything to get out of his class. I cannot stand him, and I will not learn under him." and watch the shit hit the fan.

Call me vindictive?

You have no clue of how much I hate him.

2003-09-21T22:24:00.000+10:00

So, I've been hinted to post in the blog. That is, hinted in writing. So I started feeling guilty for not posting. So, here I am.

Not much has been happening here. It's holidays, and I'm getting really interested in my writing again. To be honest, I'd much prefer to write, rather than blog, so I don't think I'll be updating soon. I suppose it has become foreign to me at this point in time. Not really though.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to say at this point in time. I'm a little confused, and a little tired. I should really go to bed.

2003-09-15T17:32:00.000+10:00

Mmm...really quite annoyed. But at the moment, I don't remember why. *shrug* I guess it'll go away soon, then.

2003-09-12T18:29:00.000+10:00

Mmm...so, my family's gone, and I think Mark might be calling me, and I have to do my assignments tonight, before going away to the Sunshine coast tomorrow, and then to Mark's on Sunday. So, since I posted in Loaded, I'm not going to stay on the net very long. Cheers.

2003-09-09T17:10:00.000+10:00

So, going to Yoga tonight. ...Yay? Well, to be honest, it's just a pest. And I hate the way I feel all drowsy after it. But, Mum's decided that I'm absolutely in love with it, and that she simply can't let me stop when I like it so much. It might have something to do with her thinking that I'm not doing enough exercise -- I'm not sure. But, either way, she thinks I love it, and what am I supposed to do? Tell her she's been paying for lessons that I hate? So, yeah. Only going to Yoga because mum wants me to.

And, um.

Many assignments to do, so I probably won't be on here for a while -- what with everything else. I still have to do...four or so, I believe. No, wait. Five. Im not entirely sure. They just keep piling up, so that as soon as I've finished one, I've got another to do. Apart from everything else, it's incredibly frustrating. So...let me see:

* English -- Shakespeare Literary Criticism.
* English -- Shakespeare Speech.
* Drama -- Play.
* French -- Poster.
* Computers -- Web Page.
* Hospitality -- Design a Small Business.
* Writing -- Journalism.

Mmm. Lots to do. And, apparently there's this competition for writing a 10,000 word novella. I heard about it from Kate [was slightly annoyed -- she's only entering because she wants to win the prize money. Something like 3,000 dollars, turned out to be.] but she didn't give me the full details, just told me to go see my English teacher about it. I swear, sometimes Kate can be really bitchy. She called me snarky the other day. Perhaps she should take a look at herself!

So, anyway, should be fun. But lots of work. I was going to work on my English piece, but I have to go to yoga instead. Ah well. I'll survive. Besides, it isn't as if I can say to Mum, "I hate Yoga. I'm quitting." She'd probably reply with something along the lines of 'You always quit.' or 'You can't quit. You have to stick with it.' or 'But you need it to lose weight.' [She's obsessed about my weight.]

Ooops. Late for Yoga. Bye.

2003-09-07T12:06:00.000+10:00

Mark came over yesterday, around ten thirty or so. We basically did nothing for a while, and watched Wacky Races -- this cartoon that I haven't seen in about five years. Then Ellinore called, and she was really upset -- she'd had another fight with her family. So we did the comfort thing, and decided to meet up with Ellinore at the movies cinemas and have a day out. However, it turns out that it's 7 dollar day at the movies, which means...total chaos. Seriously. It seems that all the parents decided to take their kids to "Finding Nemo", and the lines were out the door. Sessions were booked out hours in advance. You couldn't get into a session unless it was like five o'clock, and you paid at 12.

So we went to see "28 Days Later". Since it's the first non-romantic-comedy I've ever seen, I can't say if it was good or not. It wasn't terrible, though, which has something to say for it. And near the end, I was pretty desensitised, which was odd. Possibly cool.

So, it's Father's Day, and I arise to the song "Wake Up Jeff." Mmm...bad mix. I should really kill the Wiggles. And Father's Day. Hell, even if I could tune out and not hear about anything to do with Fathers ever again it would be good, but I think just bitching in here will be good enough. I don't know. I hope so.

Hrm. Well. Flynn. Let's talk about Flynn. He is Flynn. And he is odd sometimes. And...he's posted in Loaded, and I told someone [Liam, I think.] that I'll post in Loaded after Flynn does. So I should get moving and start posting. But posting what? I don't know what we're doing. We're just...sitting there. There's no where to go...no place to aim towards. It's nobody's fault, really. It's just annoying. Eh, I'll figure something out.

2003-09-02T20:58:00.000+10:00

Spoke to Ben. Am Happy now. ^.^

Waiting for Mark to come back to school/call me. He's out with his brother -- the bludger. Hee.

Oooh. Have to finish Religion Assignment. Will be back later.

Oh, any I have a myotaku blog -- arnica, for those who were confused.

2003-08-31T16:11:00.000+10:00

Ah, I'm addicted I suppose. I just keep coming back.

Wow, is my head sore. Mum doesn't particularly care.

w00t. Otakuboards.

...

my IQ is currently on 90. Cheerio!

2003-08-30T12:42:00.000+10:00

Hrm, sick of this blog. And people. And weather. And dances. I don't think I want to go to the year 10 dinner.

I should shut down this blog. Not as if it has anything important in it. Not really.

Ah, screw it.

2003-08-29T21:50:00.000+10:00

Well, I've been rather incredibly pissed off at Ben for a while, because of a few things he said [typed] to me during English class.

-----Original Message-----
From: Benjamin Nuss
Sent: Friday, 29 August 2003 3:06 PM
To: Kathryn Randall
Subject: terlamia

I was reading through the archives and you are such a drama queen. Deep thoughts much? Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep thoughts. Like a well of thoughts. Or something equally as deep.

From: Kathryn Randall
Sent: Friday, 29 August 2003 3:07 PM
To: Benjamin Nuss
Subject: RE: terlamia

What? When? Example?

From: Benjamin Nuss
Sent: Friday, 29 August 2003 3:10 PM
To: Kathryn Randall
Subject: RE: terlamia

OK…..

Thursday, August 21, 2003

From: Kathryn Randall
Sent: Friday, 29 August 2003 3:12 PM
To: Benjamin Nuss
Subject: RE: terlamia

Okay, fine.

I’m incredibly sorry for once again crossing your boundaries by expressing my feelings at the current time in my web log. Please, please, excuse my lapse.

From: Benjamin Nuss
Sent: Friday, 29 August 2003 3:13 PM
To: Kathryn Randall
Subject: RE: terlamia

Well I’m just saying. ….don’t need to bite my head off

From: Kathryn Randall
Sent: Friday, 29 August 2003 3:15 PM
To: Benjamin Nuss
Subject: RE: terlamia

Well, you always ‘just say’. Like the time I was crying my eyes out and you called me a faker.

Or all the other times when I’m ‘being and idiot’ because I’m feeling sentimental.

From: Benjamin Nuss
Sent: Friday, 29 August 2003 3:15 PM
To: Kathryn Randall
Subject: RE: terlamia

Well I don’t say anything without precedent

He pissed me off.

People suck.

2003-08-28T17:50:00.000+10:00

I was speaking to you guys about Bitter Sweet before -- the site for Original fiction. And it was all going well, really well. However, I've just found out that my host [who was hosting me for free, without adds] has had to shut the server down, and so I'll have to find another host. Thing is, I'd rather not have adds. Of course, if it can't be helped, it can't be helped. And although there's always the option of paying for my space -- I'm hesitant about that, mianly becuase I don't know how, or anything else about it. -.- *sigh* It's just...you know...hard.

But, other than that, it's going quite well, especially the acutal website part.

So...*shrugs* I'll figure it out.

Eventually. And, until then, I'll prepare all the stories.

2003-08-25T09:18:00.000+10:00

I woke up today, all ready for a day at Mark's. However, my plan was not to come to fruition. As I was sitting in this very chair, chatting to friends on the internet, the phone rang. Now, I expected it to be Mark, calling to ask what time I was coming over. But no, it was Andrea Jane Lee -- my half sister and much missed traveller. Now, usually, she calls at about 7am, or 9pm, seeing as she's on GMT time, and we're GMT+10. So, when she calls at 25 to 9am, I can't help but think Sorry, Andy, but you should have know mum leaves early on Mondays. She left at 5:30 today. However, instead of saying that, Andrea interrupts and says, "So, Kate, what time are you leaving for Mark's house?"

"I don't know..."

"Well, how 'bout spending the day with me, instead?"

There was a silence as that statement ticked over in my mind, and then I burst out, "Where are you?"

I could hear the laughter in her voice as she replied, "In Brisbane."

"Oh...my...god! Oh my god. Ohmygod! Oh my god!. This is the first time I've never known you were coming. All the other times Mum gave it away." Much screaming on my behalf ensued. I'm not ashamed to say that I acted very much like a girl.

After a while of Andrea telling my mother what I was saying, I finally manage to say. "Well, I'll call Mark, and tell him I can't come today."

"Actually, why don't you tell him to come over and have cheesecake instead? He can tag along."

"Okay."

And so, basic jist -- My sister has just travelled from London and surprized me greatly by calling me out of the blue to tell me that I'll see her in a couple of hours. Only, I'm sort of feeling bad...cause I was supposed to walk to Mark's house...but now he'll have to walk to mine, yet again. Sorry, Mark. I'll give you cheesecake to make up for it, promise.

2003-08-22T20:43:00.000+10:00

Ditz
Noun. Slang
A scatterbrained or eccentric person.

Now, that might not sound like a bad thing. However, in this day and age, ditsy has come to mean something much worse than this innocuous definition. It has, my friends, come to mean dumb. This belief brings the feeling of superiority into those not considered ditsy, which manifests itself into something much darker -- the belief that one human is better than another. A form of prejudice, as you will; one that is not affected by race, age, gender, social status or even beauty. Instead, it takes a much more subtle and harsher path. This prejudice is not held up to justice -- how can one little word effect a person that much? No, didn't we say that about other words?

And why, you may ask, am I making a big deal out of this?

Because, my friends, a truely tragic crime has happened today. I was accused of ditziness. Yes, that is correct. I was called a ditz.

And I take great offence to that. I am not a ditz. Yes, I may sometimes be confusing -- but I make sense to myelf. And perhaps my thoughts jump too quickly for other people to realise I have a new topic -- more fool them for thinking too slowly! And I may be a socialite -- but being friendly does not make one a ditz!

So what, I ask, does? Is it a special quality? Is it the lack of inhibition? The knowledge that you are secure in being who you want to be, and that you don't have to be serious? Or is it something else? Is it perhaps an act we take on automatically, so that we are underestimated and thus have the advantage?

Because, of course, one can never tell if a ditz is serious, or merely putting on an act that will suit the perception of the onlooker. Of course one cannot tell. Chances are, the accused often aren't sure themselves!

And, while I am still upset over this vicious and nasty attack, I cannot help but think that I am now one of the elite!

After all, it takes a lot of work for a smart person such as myself to act stupid.

And, instead of whining, perhaps I will rejoyce in my newfound freedom! Because being a ditz isn't about being restrained -- it's about speaking your mind...however stupid the thought may be. And getting what you want while you're at it!

“Needless to say, this ditsy crew succeeds in spite of itself” (David Ansen).

2003-08-21T17:56:00.000+10:00

I'm tired.

I'm tired of everyone knowing what I think. I'm tired of people believing they know everything about me. I'm tired of it being true. I tired of knowing exactly who I am. I'm tired of being afraid.

I'm sick.

I'm sick of having to call people. I'm sick of not being called. I'm tired of having to speak to people, before they speak to me. I'm sick of being private. I'm sick of feeling left out. I'm sick of people knowing these things.

Most of all, I'm sick of them commenting on it.

I wish you'd all just go away.

Or, better yet, let me.

2003-08-19T21:37:00.000+10:00

I broke a nail.

There's nothing else of importance...

2003-08-15T21:51:00.000+10:00

Well.

I've almsot finished putting some stories on Bitter Sweet. Although, it might be a while. Hopefully I should get it done. I've mastered the art of CSS, though. [Sort of.] I realised what I'd done wrong; forgot the semi-colon. So now it's all good. I think. Hrm. I need a way to distinguish links without using underlines. I don't know how yet. When you run your mouse over the link, you can tell, because there's a background, but other than that, you can't. Perhaps I can change the colour. But what colour goes with light yellow and black, without detracting from the rest of the sight? *sigh* I'll figure it out sooner or later. And I'll pot the link when I do. Until then, I don't know. *shrug*

Tired. Spoke to my sister tonight. Monumentous event. I'll tell you guys about it if something comes of it.

Love.

2003-08-14T16:40:00.000+10:00

...

I just like the rampant metaphors and cynicism there.

2003-08-13T20:49:00.000+10:00

I'm tired.
Always tired lately.
Sleeplessness does that.
But I'm okay,
Promise.

Promise on what?
I suppose the sky.
It stays there forever.
Sort of like you.

I'm hopeless.
Always hopeless lately.
Defeation does that.
But I'm okay,
Promise.

Promise on what?
I suppose our friendship.
It's been long and hard.
Sort of like defeat.
Sort of like winning.

I'm worried.
Always worried lately.
You do that.
Tell me you're okay,
Promise?

Promise on what?
I suppose my loyalty.
It will stay with you.
Whenever you need me.

I'm scared.
Always scared lately.
Your 'jokes' do that.
Don't hurt yourself,
Promise?

Promise on what?
I guess my skin.
I'll never hurt myself
So you don't either.

I'm lonely.
Always lonely lately.
But so are you.
We'll be lonely together,
Promise?

We're silly.
Always silly lately.
But it's better silly,
Than dead.

2003-08-13T19:47:00.000+10:00

Feeling bad. Shan't go into details. Welcome back, guys.

2003-08-12T17:09:00.000+10:00

I was sitting in CLP today [homeroom, for you Americans], and Liz was saying once again how cute Mark and I were as a couple. Then Sophie Newman [who I dislike, and have done to some extent since Primary School] butts in and asks "You have a boyfriend?" The tone was completely incredulous, and if it hadn't been so insulting, her surprize could have been humerous. Now, I know I sound vengeful and so on, but I honestly do not like Sophie -- she's always seemed a little too...bitchy...towards me for my tastes. And she just gets on my nerves.

The Year 11 retreat come back tomorrow. Probably should be counting the days, but really, it's three days long, and I had fun with those that were left -- Flynn and Luci included. [Could you believe I almost typed Lynn and Fluci?] We didn't do much, but the groups merged and we just sat and talked. It was less hyperactive than it usually, which is both good and bad, I think. It was good today, but on a permanant basis, I'd hate it.

I have to do some pretty important things sometime soon, like calling Andy, but I'll tell you guys more about that when something definite is planned [or oficially no-go.]

2003-08-10T13:47:00.000+10:00

So, anyway, guess whose birthday it is today? Ken's! Guess whose it was yesterday? Tony's! So I made them a picture. You can find that here. It isn't very good, of course, but I never said that I could draw. And it's the thought that counts...right?

So, anyway, just to prove I wasn't lying [extremely well] about my prize in the Essay Competition, if you go here. Can you see my name? Can you? Heh. Yeah, I'm tickled pink, especially that I'm classified as a 'winner', rather than a Runner up. [Difference being the winners get prizes, the runners up get certificates.] I'm so pleased with myself, once again. ^_^ It's a great feeling.

Mark came over yesterday, about 4pm, I think. At the time, I was making chocolate pudding [yummy!] and so when he came it was just out of the oven, so Mum, Mark and I ate chocolate pudding with icecream for lunch. He ended up staying until around 10pm, and during that time we called the twins [Alex and Nicholas], Ben Nuss, and we tried to call Liam, but remembered that he was picking up his Mother from Brisbane. When we called Ben, Mark said in this really deep voice, "Hi, this is Liz." [Which apart from being nasty, is totally untrue, because Liz should be singing soprano] and Ben says "Oh, Baker." Now, Mark was really surprized that Ben knew his voice, and I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

We are going to have the 'Post Take Note Tour Concert' tonight. Should be fun. Apparently, Caroline and Alistair [I can never spell that correctly -.-] are coming too. Caroline is planning to take her knitting with her though. She said because it's music that she can knit and listen at the same time. They're [Mum and Caroline] plannign to sit on either side of Al so that if he falls asleep, they can elbow him in the side.

I spoke to Mana yesterday. She's 17, and she's just put in her College application. She was feeling sort of deflated about it, actually, but she's fine now, I think. She hasn't done anymore on Gin 'n' Sin, and I think I might not be able to guilt her into it for a while, but that's okay. She hasn't been able to guilt me into doing more on Bitter Sweet yet, so really we're even.

Still on Bitter Sweet [my website to be] someone actually e-mailed me the other day and told me that they wanted one of their works on the site. THey hadn't seen the site yet, but it's certainly a start!

Oh, and Carina and Dallas broke up. Carina was upset for a while, because he wouldn't tell her why, but he fed her something about still loving her, but not being ready for a relationship yet, and she's getting over him now.

Other than that, not much has happened. Mr. Edwards [my computer teacher] was going on and on about how hard HTML is now-day, and how one doesn't need it, and I was honestly ready to tell him off for saying that, because really, it's almost essential is you want to do anything like, you know...alter your blog, perhaps?

Heh. I know some of you wanted me to post, so here you go. ^_^

2003-08-09T13:00:00.000+10:00

Okay. Edited this so it doesn't have the scroll bar in that part of the blog. I didn't even realise that was there. Sorry.

2003-08-08T19:12:00.000+10:00

Well, I've changed my template. Finally. I edited it before I posted it, so hopefully it should be working properly. And if it isn't, I'll edit it to actually work. In case some of you were worrying, I've kept the same code for comments, so you haven't lost those, I promise.

Anyway, I've been less inclined to post in here lately, so I apologise for my laziness. Not that certain other people can talk -- of course, I'd never mention names. But you know who you are. ^.~

So, I've been looking at the thread Which Otakuboarder Has Changed Your Life and after skimminmg through the thread, I suddenly realised how very little I post in Otakuboards these days. Which is sort of sad, considering how very attached to it I was. And, I do go to the site almsot every day, but I couldn't be bothered posting -- not really. It isn't even a lack of interest, it's jsut that I'm too lazy to type up a post that I don't believe anyone would really...you know...read. But there are some things that I do just want to post. So, hopefully I will.

I have no idea what I just tried to say. I guess I'm a little confused.

I got home from school today, and I had a letter from my school, congadulating me once again on my wonderful placing in the Essay Competition. Which is stupid. They wasted fifty cents to tell me something the entire school has already said. And it wasn't even news to me. They just said some crappy "Congradulations once again on your placing. You should be very proud of yourself." and that I have 'brought credit' to myself, my family, and my school. It wasn't even a good place. it was fourth. Fourth. As in, not First, or second, or third, but fourth there are four whole people who got higher than me. Shouldn't people be congradulating them? They probably are, I suppose, but...I just wish they would get over it, or at least do something with it, rather than just letting it sit.

I guess I feel that it's just become another laurel on which I rest upon.

It could be because I'm feeling less that pleased with myself lately, or it could be that I've just read the winner for my division this year, and I'm all of a sudden feeling vastly inferior.

2003-08-05T10:14:00.000+10:00

Well.

Tired. Headachey.

I got my ears pierced. It's starting to get annoying, the cleaning.

This headache won't go away. It hurts.

Had an interesting conversation with Liam about Mormaninity [or is it Mormanism? I forget which one he told me.]

Had a slumber parter with Ellinore.

Gah. Hurty eyes. Going back to bed.

Love you all. Thanks for the congrads you gave me. *hugs*

2003-07-24T18:04:00.000+10:00

Well, life certainly is ironic. And it was probably sick of my complaining. Anyway, the day after I posted that [see below entry] I get sent to the principal's office. And, I must admit, I was completely nervous before hand. I actually ran into Miss before hand [my English teacher] and she said, "Did you hear the good news?" I replied "Well...I'm about to go to Father Uhr's office now." So I went, and I sat down and thoughts "Oh, my god, what the heck could it be?" And he hands me this letter, and I read it, and it says this:

July 19, 2003

Kathryn Randall
[Through the Principal]
Downlands Sacred Heart College
...
...

Dear Kathryn,

I have been advised by my colleagues in London that you have won 4th prize in Class B of the Commonwealth Essay Competition. Congratulations - your prize is one hundred pounds.

The Examiners in Class B commented that your story entitled 'Fragrant Dreams' in response to the topic 'My dream and where it would take me' was "a beautifully written, fluid and evocative description of a day on the beach. The relationship between mother and daughter is delightfully conveyed as both acknowledge the dream to buy back the family's land. As the day unfolds, so does the engagement of the reader with their two lives and by the end of the story, one is left with a real sense of connection."

By kind permission of the Speaker of the Queensland Parliament, the society is holding a barbeque luncheon on the riverside roof terrace area of Parliament House in Brisbane on Thursday, 16 October at 12.00 for 12.30pm. If you are unable to come along, we'd be delighted to welcome you and one accompanying adult as our guests and your prize could be presented at that time. Additional accompanying guests would also be very welcome, but at a cost of $23.00 per person. Following the luncheon, at about 2.00pm, you are invited to join a private tour of Parliament House escourted by the Protocol Officer.

If you are not able to attend, I shall mail your prize to you. Please advise by completeing and returning the enclosed form.

Sincerely,

(Mrs) Helen Roberts.
Secretary.

The Competition

If you are 18 years of age or younger, why not enter the Commonwealth Essay Competition, and pit your writing skills against students of the same age around the world. There are lots of prizes - you may even get your essay published.

Every year the Commonwealth Essay Competition inspires thousands of young writers from all over the world. Organised by the Royal Commonwealth Society, the Competition has been running for over 100 years and it is firmly established as a highly regarded and popular international education project, enjoying much esteem and support throughout the Commonwealth.

The aims of the Competition are:

* to provide a unique opportunity for schools throughout the Commonwealth to take part in a global education project

* to raise awareness of the ethical and humanitarian values which lie at the heart of the Commonwealth's ethos

* to highlight important local and global issues and encourage their discussion

* to promote the use of English as a leading world language in a fun and attractive way

* to enable young people, whatever their social or scholastic background, to compete on equal terms with their peers from around the world

* to encourage young people to aspire to high standards of academic scholarship and creative writing

* to stimulate young people into good utilisation of modern information technology and communication skills

The Competition is organised in four age bands/Classes. They are:

Class A - 16-18 years

Class B - 14-15 years

Class C - 12-13 years

Class D - under 12 years

Each class has four main prizes and a special prize for disabled entrants. Some countries also have local prizes/competitions.

The Prizes

Class B (Born 1987 - 88)

1st - £250
2nd - £150 (Sheila Ramsay Lochhead Memorial)
3rd - £100
4th - £100

About the Competition

The Commonwealth Essay Competition is an international education project open to all young Commonwealth citizens under the age of 18. Annually more than 5000 essays pour into the London Office of the Royal Commonwealth Society in time for the Competition deadline of 1 March. These are then sent out to twenty-four examiners for judging and the results are announced in June/July.

Winning an award or commendation is a considerable achievement for many entrants and something of which they can be justifiably proud. However, the Competition is about more than just winning a prize. As one Canadian teacher has commented:

“We are from a very small community on Vancouver Island. The Competition has shown our students that they can compete with (in) a bigger world, that they can do great things!”

The Competition reaches into people’s hearts and generates a lot of good will, loyalty and enthusiasm. It is a unique and invaluable education project because it brings young people from all around the world together and encourages them to interact on subjects that matter to them. As one participant says:

“I am of Indian origin. Both my parents were born in India and much of my family live in India or Great Britain. I enjoy taking part in the Commonwealth Essay Competition as it has allowed me to learn more about my country and its history.”

In its own quiet way, the Commonwealth Essay Competition is an agent for positive global change and the world would be a poorer place without it.

Fragrant Dreams

Fragrant Dreams

Kathryn Randall

I’ve always loved the smell of the ocean. The sight of the deep mass of blue and green beauty has never overly affected me, nor has the sand between my toes. But I cherish the smell.

It is distinct, the wax of surfboards mingling with the crisp scent of deep fried fish and chips. On a windy day, the flow of air will bring the salty tang of the sea to a person’s nostrils from almost a mile away.

My grandparents’ house was a ten-minute walk from the beach. It was downhill the entire way, and as a child, I remember skipping in my anticipation. There was always a touch of adrenaline in the skipping; too fast, and I’d topple like a sandcastle being hit by a wave.

I’d play in the sand and the surf with the gaiety and glee of the young, stopping only when dusk arrived. We’d collect fish and chips for dinner, and start the exhausting trek up the hill.

After my grandparents died, we sold their house. The location alone gave it a huge value, and the last I heard, the people who bought it were renovating the house. My mother admitted to me that ‘renovating’ was a loose term. She really meant ‘knocking it down and starting over’. It was then I decided that I wanted to buy back my grandparents’ land.

It’s been four years since I made my decision, and I am glad to say that I am now 356 dollars 72 cents, and two jobs closer to my dream. My mother – and, I like to think, my dream - has rewarded my tenacity with a trip to ‘our’ beach.

It takes us several hours to arrive. By that time, my legs are cramping from the close conditions of the car. Mum and I talk animatedly, discussing everything from flowers to her university course.

The car pulls to a stop in front of the Surf Club. I clamber out in a particularly ungraceful movement, and dance around – barefoot – on the hot pavement. I’d already changed into my bathing suit at the last stop we’d made. Mum, laughing, climbs out of the car at a slower pace, throwing my shoes at me. I catch them clumsily, trying not to burn my feet in that instant of inactivity.

We make our way down to the fish and chip shop. I gasp as I see the changes in the scenery. Where the beach used to be a chocolate and vanilla swirl, all the sand has been replaced with rocks. There are fences all over, restricting access. The fish and chip shop is almost the same. There’s a new coat of pink paint, and the awnings are a different colour. Otherwise, it’s really the only thing about this beach that has stayed the same.

Mum and I walk into the fish shop, looking around and picking out the discrepancies between our memories and reality. The owner bustles out, wiping her hands on the tea towel. She sees us and her face breaks into a smile; apparently she remembers us.

We chat for a while, reminiscing about the ‘good old days’. I find it funny that I’m already acting like this at the age of fourteen. I can see myself at 70, munching on Tapioca Pudding and rocking in my chair, staring out at the clothes line and the dying grass, mumbling to myself about ‘them good old days’. The image is a funny one, and I laugh as my companions stare at me in bewilderment.

I shake my head and order an ice cream, dismissing the image. My sense of humor is an odd one, and I doubt that anyone else would find the image funny.

Trudy – the owner – decides to take a break and join us. Mum informs me that she and Trudy went to High School together. It seems like this day will be one stumble after another in the street called Memory Lane.

Mum, Trudy and I walk down to the beach, talking and laughing together. We lay out the rugs and set up a beach umbrella Trudy had brought from the shop. Mum and Trudy sit down; I strip to my bathing suit and run into the water, gladly splashing around.

The water is lovely and refreshing. It’s a hot day, and I can feel the sun on my shoulders. I’m glad that I put sunscreen on. I do want this holiday to be memorable, but not by getting burnt.

I play some more, pretending I’m a dolphin. I ride the waves with all the skill of a four-month-old pup, but I don’t mind. When my mother calls me into the shore for something to eat, I realize that Trudy’s gone back to work. I wanted to say goodbye, but I suppose I can see her before we leave anyway.

I sit down with Mum, and try to convince her to join me when I return to the water. She laughs and shakes her head. She likes the beach, not the water, she says. I’ve never understood her attitude, but I accept it none-the-less, and settle down with her. It’s lonely in the water when you’re by yourself.

After a while, Mum sighs and stands up. It’s time to go home. I resist, and plead with her to let me stay for just a few more hours. “It isn’t even dark yet,” I say. She looks at the sun, then at her watch. It is really only five o’clock, and I know how she’s always loved the sea at night.

We stay, walking silently along the beach, stopping now and then to pick up shells. Many of them are broken; shattered by the pounding of the waves against the rocks. There is a slight sadness in the way the shells are covered with sand and ignored. My grandfather had always remarked on that.

Apparently, Mum had been thinking about my grandfather too. There’s an enigmatic expression on her face, and she’s walking slowly, staring down at the ground almost blindly. I touch her shoulder to get her attention, smiling at her when she looks up. She smiles back at me – weakly – but I can empathise with her grief. Our family has always been close.

Without talking, she grabs my hand and starts to hurry me along to a certain point in the beach. Despite the changes in the environment, I can see that she knows where she’s going, and I trail after her. All of a sudden, she stops, turns around, and looks towards the east. I follow her gaze and smile. Although their house had been knocked down, and there were drastic changes in the landscaping, I could still see where my grandparents’ house had been. My resolve strengthened further. All of a sudden, my mother started giggling, her face no longer gloomy. I joined in with her, and minutes later, we were rolling on the rocky and uncomfortable – although beautiful – beach, in gales of unexplainable laughter, holding our stomachs.

We take a while to calm down, and lie on the beach, staring up at the rapidly disappearing daylight. There is a strange calm in me, and I know that it doesn’t matter where my dream takes me, I will still reach it.

Mum watches the sunlight fade, the last glistening drops of heat shimmering on the water, then turns her head to face me. Her voice is quiet, sincere, and she has a smile in her voice. “I know how much you want to get the land back, Kathryn, and as long as I’m alive, I will help you. I can’t help you much yet, but for the moment, would you settle for an elegant fish and chips dinner for two?”

I nod, then, realising that she can’t see me well in the current light, answer with a “Yes.”

We walk along silently. We are closer than we ever have been – companions, Mother and daughter, and most of all, friends. The rocks are hard on my feet, and as we stroll, something sharp cut into my feet. I shriek in pain and sit on a nearby rock, peering into the darkness for the source of my agony. Mum is hovering concernedly, and I reassure her that it isn’t a bad cut. But I still want to know why I had cut my foot.

I saw it a second later. A sharp edge, barely sticking out of the sand. I pull on it, careful not to cut my fingers. It’s deeply imbedded in the ground. I tug once more and it slides out. I recognize the shape, and I grin, then start to laugh. “What is it?”

“A shell,” I reply, realising that the memories and the smells of the ocean could be captured in this beautiful object. “A perfect shell.”

© Kathryn Randall 2002

Oh, you can find the reaction to Fragrant Dreams here

So...um...yeah...^^"

2003-07-23T19:31:00.000+10:00

Slightly depressed. Not exactly all that up to handling any criticism tonight. Mnemolth sent me his review of Smoke And Oranges, and this is probably the first time I've been affected by it. I guess it's because I'm startin gto question whether or not I should be writing. I feel like the only reason I'm writing is because I'm supposed to. And I see other people writing every day -- if I was supposed to write, why aren't I doing that?

And other people are so much better at this than me.

So I've just been thinking lately. If I laid down my pen and never picked it up again...would it really matter at all?

2003-07-21T08:27:00.000+10:00

*points* M...me....meh...my post count just went up like...150 posts overnight. *checks Sere's* And I think hers went up, by like, 100.

...Ah. Take a look at this thread. Then take a look at this thread and I think the problem is halfway solved.

Good thing, too. I was beginning to think I'd been on a posting spree overnight. In which case I'd have to tell you all that I'm really called 'Billy', I'm a Russian Transvestite Lesbian, and I have a fetish for maltesers and socks.

But seeing as I didn't, I don't have to tell you this, now, do I? ^.~

2003-07-15T08:35:00.000+10:00

Note: I'll be away from now [8:26 GMT + 10 hours] [Tuesday, 15th] until Friday.

Miss me. And post in Loaded, those in there...or Liam will kill me. ^^"

Love you.

2003-07-12T19:26:00.000+10:00

Michael: [To me] I'm going to the loo. If anyone tries to go on the computer, tell them off. [Walks off]
Me: Katy! Get off the computer! Michael told you not to go on there!
Me: I'm not getting off the computer!
Me: [laughing] Get the heck off.
Me: No! Oww! My ear!
Mum: [Walks into the room] What the hell?
Michael: [walks into the room.] She's telling herself off.
Mum: There's a word for that.
Michael: Skitzophrenic?
Mum: Dickhead.

2003-07-11T23:22:00.000+10:00

Okay. At the moment, I've narrowed down my Blogskin search to these. Please, guys, give me your opinions -- which ones you like best, which you don't like, and so on, because at the moment, I'm completely undecided as to which I should choose.

Cools
Violet Joe
Bluegrey Cream
Living In A Dream
Vacetious

At the moment, I'm not too sure about Living In A Dream, or Violet Joe -- I'm more indifferent than anything else. But I don't know which damned skin to choose. And, if someone out there knows of a skin I might like; please, feel free to tell me, and show me the skin.

Cheers -- and please tell me your opinions.

2003-07-11T21:16:00.000+10:00

Bleh. Why is it posting is so very hard these days?

Anyway, yesterday we went to the movies.

Today I did nothing, but Mark came around and we watched TV and made jokes about Jerry Springer.

I'm going to the coast on Tuesday.

The end.

2003-07-09T16:22:00.000+10:00

Mneh. Tired. Reading Eden. Sorting out Carina's love life. Not in the mood to type long entry. Blah .-.-

2003-07-07T20:16:00.000+10:00

Just thought I'd show the world the picture Charlie made for my birthday.

Kat

2003-07-07T20:10:00.000+10:00

Report Card [Got a B+ for English, getting a tutor from Uni.]

Business
Kathryn is a conscientious and delightful student who uses her natural ability in this subject to its fullest potential. Her extremely high level of achievement is a credit to her discipline and determination, and she is to be commended for her results. Kathryn is encouraged to seriously consider undertaking Accounting as one of her senior subjects.

English

Kathryn is a most pleasant and cooperative member of our class who participates well and has a very positive attitude to her studies. She has put considerable effort into improving the quality of her work and has achieved a pleasing result. She is a diligent and reliable student whi has produced some impressive work this semester. Her thoughtful classroom contributions reflect her positive approach to the subject.

Hospitality

Kathryn is an excellent student who is most reliable and conscientious.

Mathematics

Kathryn has performed very well in the Extension Unit. All expected outcomes have been met. She also has been able to apply the basic knowledge to almost all of the Modelling and Problem Solving situations. Kathryn is a quiet, co-operative student. She always works well in class and seems to enjoy the subject.

Religion

Kathryn is a well behaved student who demonstrates a mature and thoughtful approach to issues discussed in class. She performed exceptionally well on her recent class test, demonstrating a depths of understanding on religious issues.

History

Kathryn is a very good student who has achieved highly in all assesment pieces. Her research skills are particularly good.

Science

Kathryn's application to her studies has been excellent but a poor Complex Reasoning section in the end of semester examination cost her a more appropriate result.

2003-07-05T10:40:00.000+10:00

Okay, I'm here. I didn't particularly want to give an entry yesterday, because I was sick of recounting everything over and over again.

So, well, perhaps the most important [from my point of view, at least] is that I now have a boyfriend. [I'm sorry Ashy, Dave, Soley, and Mo. I am cheating on you.] It's Mark. I don't know how many of you know of the existance of Mark yet [No, wait, I've mentioned him a fair bit] but, as most people I know -- like, all of them -- say "It's about time!" [or something along those lines] it seems that you could see it happening a mile away [which they've said a lot, too.] There've been some really varied reactions, actually. For instance, Alexa spent most of Tour saying "Oh, I'm so glad you and Mark got together. I can see you two going to the Formal together" and so on, and then there's this conversation with Toby:

...[closed part of the conversation]

Toby: WHAT?!?!
Toby: DAMNIT!!!! DOESN'T HE HAVE ANY SHAME!?!?!
Me: Pardon?
Toby: HE IS GOING OUT WITH YOU!?!!
Toby: Thats just wrong, and to think, i took some of the 'golden' cookie he touched
Me Yes.
Toby: damn u whore
Toby: ur lucky im not going to be here, otherwise i'd burn urs and marks house down

So, yes. It was quite a pleasant conversation, considering it was Toby. I know he's threatened to 'Piss on [Ellinor's] grave'. I'm not sure what his problem is, but his calls can be funny, when it isn't completely nasty. And he'd never actually do anything, so it doesn't entirely matter. Heh.

There was lots of other stuff, but I'm sick of typing. So...teh.

2003-07-04T16:46:00.000+10:00

Color Quiz

Your Existing Situation

The situation is difficult and she is trying to persist in her objectives against resistance. Finds it necessary to conceal her intentions as an added precaution, in order to disarm the opposition.

Your Stress Sources
The situation is regarded as threatening or dangerous. Outraged by the thought that she will be unable to achieve her goals and distressed at the feeling of helplessness to remedy this. Over-extended and feels beset, possibly to the point of nervous prostration.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Clings to her belief that her hopes and ideas are realistic, but needs encouragement and reassurance. Applies very exacting standards to her choice of a partner and wants guarantees against loss or disappointment.
Conditions are such that she will not let herself become intimately involved without making mental reservations.

Your Desired Objective
Wants contentment, physical ease, and the absence of conflict. Needs security and clings to it so as not to have to suffer loneliness or separation.

Your Actual Problem
Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on her resources. This sense of powerlessness subjects her to agitation and acute distress. She attempts to escape from this into a stable and secure environment in which she can relax and recover.

2003-07-04T15:35:00.000+10:00

Back.

2003-06-24T17:19:00.000+10:00

Getting ready for Take Note Tour [incedentally, I think I should tell you guys -- which I don't think I have already -- that I'm not going to be here from Thursday night until July 4th.]. I'm getting all the important things out of the way first -- like CD's. I have 29 CD's, which I'm proud about. They range from Eminem [My brother's brithday present to me last year], to Pachelbel's Canon, to the Spice Girls, to Big Brovaz, to the Corrs, to Jack Off Jill. As you can see, I'm easy to please. In the words of me, I'm a music whore, pure and simple.

I'm not worrying about all those details like packing, oh no. Just CD's. And possibly lollies. Heh.

I don't really want to make a big post today.

Um, Sere, if you read this, e-mail me sometime, okay? I'm sick of the fighting -- and it's stupid. Heh.

2003-06-20T21:41:00.000+10:00

*sighs irritably* Well, I had to change the comments again. -.- I had the wrong code and it was mucking up.

So please, comment again. Or not.

Either way, heh.

Share my goodwill -- I'll tell you about it tomorrow.

2003-06-20T17:56:00.000+10:00

Okay.

New plan. I'm going to stay with my old template, until such time as a skin is found, and I can customise it for good. -.- I lost all my freaking comments. *sigh*.

2003-06-20T17:27:00.000+10:00

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday dear Kathy!
Happy Birthday to me!

Ah, I'm so full of cheer that you should shoot me now before I infect you. Anyway, I shall now do the classic hoarding and inventory of stuff I got for my brithday. I have a theory that this whole posession thing goes back to when we had no posessions, and now we're too attached to them because of that.

Anyway I got the best presents. Alex gave me a pack of gum [^_^ The green kind -- my favorite], Matt Sims [who didn't know it was my brithday] gave me a third a pack of Tic Tacs, and said he'd bring in a Mars Bar on Monday[ I told him he didn't have to.], Corinne bought a pack of M 'n' Ms and gave some to me, and Georgia gave me a strawberrys and cweam lollypop. And thats about it for foodstuffs [except for the cake, but that deserves a whole paragraph to itself.]

I woke up this morning to Mum giving me a hug, which was a lot different than her usual, "Kids! Time to go," greeting. Then they gave me presents [well, Mum gave me presents, Michael gave me a card and said that he'd get a present later] and Mum's present turned out to be a silver bracelet and ring -- real silver, not plated -- which is so cool, and great [added to the jacket, my Mum is one cool lady], and commissioned just for me. And then I had breakfast and got ready for school. And when I got to school, stuff happened, and Ben Watkins sent me this e-mail repeating over and over again "Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday", which was pretty cool.

During morning tea, Chantal gave me a mood ring, and I danced around during 2 and 3 period seeing what mood I was in. Heh. I'm so geeky.

And during lunch [one of the best parts!] Liam's Mum drives up and at the same time Alison walks down with this cool green bag, and she hands it to me, and inside, there's these candles that look like roses! So, anyway, then Liam comes along and talks to his Mum, and then he brings out this yummy cake, and ooooh...it was so nice. It was a butter cake, I think, and it had cream and sprinkles and this meringue stuff, and jam, and on the top it had "Dorky Cakes Dot Com" [Liam said that sprinkles were Dorky, so his Mum put Dorky Cakes Dot Com on there.] ^_^ And so we all had cake! And the cake was stupendous! ...only, it got eaten. -.-

And when I get home, I have presents from my grandparents and my sister, Andrea. I love my family so much -- they know me really well. Andy had the coolest wrapping paper. It was one of those hand made paper ones, but it was embroidered with thread, and along it had "Happy Birthday" written -- by her -- in red. It's brilliant. And inside? Inside, is a book called "The Poems of Edgar Allen Poe", from 1927! Apparently, she found it in an old book shop and bought it for me. Its tatty and battered, and I think it's the best book I've ever owned. And my Nan didn't know that I'm trying to grow my nails, but she sent me a manicure set, and funny thing is -- I was thinking about 2 days ago that I needed a nail file of my own. And Grandma Randall sent me a card with 20 dollars -- money I would really like, and am happy to have. ^_^

The only downpoint is my brother. Mrs. Guest rang yesterday night and said "Would you like to come over tomorrow" and Mum said "I don't know, it's Katy's birthday." Which is all well and good. I mean, for goodness sakes, they could at least stay with me on my birthday, and I don't want to go to a house of someone I don't know, filled with kids I don't like, and cannot associate with because they're all like my brother, same age, and who, because they are friends of my brother, won't associate with an older sister! I am completely alone there. But Michael keeps asking about it, as if he'd rather be there [which he would] and it just...hurts, I suppose.

However, today has been good. ^_^ And tomorrow should be just as good. We're going out again. Ugh. Need to organise that.

2003-06-19T19:03:00.000+10:00

Well, I've come to a decision. I don't know what type of blog I like [and I can't edit them very well], so I'm giving you different blogs each, say, week, and I want you all to comment and tell me what you think of them. This first skin can be found [for future reference] here and is called "Vacetious".

Heh. Well, I just had a joke with my brother. He says "You like Mark more than me", and I said "Mark gave me his shirt". So Michael huffs off to his room and comes back a minute later with one of his favorite shirts. I thought it was so cute, and sometimes, I just love him for being such a...Michael, I suppose.

And, there is less than a day. You all better be prepared for tomorrow, for tomorrow is My birthday!

Eep. Dinner.

Love you all. ^_^

[Heh. Sara, your blog post amused me to no end.]

2003-06-18T16:32:00.000+10:00

Well, well, well...guess who got full marks on their Religion test? Who? Me? Why, yes, however did you guess? I beat everyone but Alex -- who tied with me -- so I'm happy. And it was so satisfying afterwards to see Ryan Seeto [who beat me in the 2nd business exam] ask who got the highest mark in the class. Guess who? Me! Yes, I know I sound completely obnoxious and everything else, but I'm really pleased.

Hmm...

Nothing else, and I have to go to Yoga. [Yes, I do Yoga.] ^^

2003-06-17T17:34:00.000+10:00

Well, let me see. At the moment, I'm trying to organise myself so that I can get into English with Mrs. Cruice again next semester, which would be so much easier if the stupid timetables were different. Basically, it goes like this:

Line 1:
Unit: MEZ
Maths
Mr. Stewart

Line 2:
Unit: THC
Hospitality
Mrs. D

Line 3:
Unit: TIA
Web Page Design
Mr. Edwards

Line 4:
Unit: EAE
English
Ms. Christopherson

Line 5:
Unit: BSC
Business
Mr. Finlayson

Line 6:
Unit: ADC
Drama
Mr. Hughes

My problem lies in the 4th and 5th Lines -- English and Business. I need to leave Business to get into the correct English, so I need to choose another subject on the 4th line. I get to choose from Maths [the unit I did in Year 9], Science [the unit I did in year 9], HPE [No way in hell will I do PE.], SHA, SHB [I think Mrs. Taylor pretty much destroyed my love for History, because everytime I think of taking them I feel sick.], Literacy English [the lowest English class you can take], Manual Arts [I have no talent at it whatsoever!], Art [Again, no talent.] or Second Semester Frech [When I studied German]. So, I think I'll take French. I adapt to European languages pretty easily, I should be able to catch up, the class is pretty small anyway, and I've always wanted to learn more than just German in English. So I'll talk to Mrs. Cruice and Mrs. McAtomney and ask them if that will be acceptable, which, hopefully, it will be. Heh. Fingers crossed, at least.

Finished Part A of the Chem. exam, and didn't do as badly as I thought I would have. Expecting possibly an A1, and I'm not going to be disappointed with that. The write up wasn't as bad as it could have been, and Ben was allowed to [or got away with, I'm not sure which] tell me how to calculate the information needed.

Dave's birthday today.

Hmm. This is what I've done so far on the Journalism thing [God, I need to crack down!] and it isn't that great, and I'm so annoyed because I can't do this stupid thing, but too bad.

The Gift Of Life [Working Title]

The Toowoomba IVF surgery has been a welcoming site for infertile couples for almost 6 years.

Dr. John Esler started the clinic in 1996, seeing the need for an IVF surgery in Toowoomba. Sherry Randall, the Nurse Co-ordinator, has worked with John since the beginning. “In this day and age, there are a lot of people who are infertile, for many reasons. We’re just trying to help them out,” she says. And helped they have. With one of the highest success rates in the country, they aren’t just on the way to helping infertile couples, they are there.

When asked about the first months of the clinic, Nurse Randall shakes her head and grins. “I was interviewed for the job, and the day after I started work, John left to go on holidays. It was challenging. I was basically setting up this clinic and organizing patients on my own. I had to draw strongly on my previous experience of working in the IVF unit in Sydney”.

“There were 16 couples I had to contact and interview over the next 2 weeks, and we started egg collection on the 29th of November, so they had to be given medication 3 to 4 weeks before that.” The first Toowoomba IVF child was born nine months later, on the [insert date here] of August, 1997.

Since then, almost 300 children have been produced,

2003-06-14T19:59:00.000+10:00

Sorry to the people online who were simply panting to talk to me -- I was away doing the social thing. And, while I'm up two blisters and am very tired, it was probably one of the most fun times I've had. Of course, that happens most everytime that we go out. There's usually myself and Mark as a constant -- the people who always go, and varying people around us.

Today we met at 11, but before hand I was shopping with Mum for a jacket. I found one, too. It's so great. It's chocolate brown leather, fitted, comes down just below the hips, and is so comfortable. I'm absolutely in love with my mother for buying it for me -- not that I didn't love her anyway. Heh. She didn't even balk at the price tag, which is completely obscene and which will not be stated online. I found out that the expensive jackets are the ones chained to the wall. That's how you know its an obscene price. But I will wear it, because it's a gorgeous jacket.

Then Mum left and Alison [who'd we'd met up with] shopped around for clothes for her for a while, then we met up with Liam and Mark. We all went downstairs to and had MacDonalds for lunch. We went to target and shoppped for Mark for a while, and then we bumped into Corinne, and later Chantel, which was pretty cool. So we found tops for Mark, and tops for Corinne [and spent really about 3 hours in Target looking!] and then went to the Coffee Club, where none of use had coffee. Corinne had an Iced Coffee, and everyone else had an Iced Chocolate. Corinne and Chantel left, and Liam, Mark, Alison and I went to Silly Sollies and bought Ellinor her birthday present. We went back to the movie theater and Liam left. The rest of us decided to see the Matrix Reloaded, so we waited. That was full of fun and now-inside jokes, and the movie is good, too.

Then we came home, where my brother informed me he now has XXXX boxers [a type of beer, by the way.] and I showed him my very swish jacket. And now I'm here, having a very odd conversation with Chantal, about why I'm not going out with Mark. All I replied was why she isn't. I'm hoping that's illustrating my point.

Sometimes it gets really annoying with everyone saying 'oh, you two would make such a cute couple', no matter who it is. It's like I can't have close friends without getting pulled up about it. My mother's used to me having guys for friends -- I've had them since year 3, for goodness sakes. But other people don't seem to realise that. And yeah, okay, so some people I probably could like [ha! Try to find something incriminating in that!] but I either don't, or I'd never show it, no matter who, and chances are, I wouldn't end up going out with them anyway. It's a moot point. And it just...I don't know. It can get on my nerves. It's like I'm not allowed to have guy friends, which for me just isn't...natural.

2003-06-13T17:25:00.000+10:00

I have had a really good day. You can tell this by the fact that I didn't check everyone else's blog before I posted in mine, like I usually do. I just went straight for the blog. Like a man who was stuck in the desert wouldn't bother with social aspects -- he just goes straight for the food.

Anyway, all the Grandparents were away today. By grandparents, I of course mean the seniors, but all of a sudden they seem lightyears away in age, so 'Grandparents' fits my current thoughts quite well. I sat with the other group, which was fine. It was better than it used to be. During morning tea, I stressed because I was trying to memorise my Functional Writing piece [we'd written the draft the lesson before, and I'd written a new one that morning] which turned out better than I thought it would [see draft below.] However,t he exam didnt' go so well, but what they hey? Everyone has bad exams. Then during lunch, Ben Watkins, Nick Johnstone and I decided that we didn't want to sit on the stairs, but instead on the grass in the sun. The others didn't, so we sat there together by ourselves. It was great. Really great.

We pooled our resources [food] and sort of had a Roman banquet. We were all reclining and laughing and giggling as we looked up at the clouds and made shapes out of them. We didn't talk about much, except for the occasional 'hey, look, you see that giraffe? Up there. The cloud near the tree.' Then we were attacked by Liz and Emily. I didn't realise she was there till she talked me and started to tickle me, and I screamed when that happened -- I don't like people coming up from behind me. So they sat down, and we talked some more. Liz and Ben ended up throwing food at each other, and Emily was on a sugar. It's odd, but I didn't like Emily much before now. She seemed so much of a ditz, I suppose. Anyway, then we were all active. When Liz and Emily left, we sat down and looked at the clouds again, careful not to sit on any stray pieces of mandarin. The others sort of drifted over, which was expected. My friends don't like their group being separated -- safety in numbers, I suppose. Then Lawson and I did this "Twirling thing" -- its a dance move, where you twirl into your partner's arms. Ben Nuss amde me a turban from my scarf, and we all talked some more. It was...fun. And it certainly brings back memories, both good and bad.

Funtional Writing Exam -- Writing A Letter of Complaint.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I have encountered a problem with a product I recently purchased from Bikes Galore in Toowoomba. On _____________, I purchased a ____________________________________, for $_______.

On _____________ 2003, I attempted to use the bike to ____ a large jump. I had assumed that, since the bike was part of the “Trekking’ Series and was fitted with “Alterrainasaurus” wheels, it would be suitable for BMX tracks. However, when I landed the jump the chain broke and I later found the gears to be resistant and awkward. I returned the bike to your store for repairs. I spoke to Mr. Phillip Abernathy, who assured me that I could retrieve the bike later that afternoon.

When I returned, Mr. Abernathy informed me that the “Trekking” series was not designed for BMX tracks, and that the warranty did not cover any malfunctions as the result of misuse or abuse by the owner. I paid the full amount and returned home.

I notice that this bike has a one year warranty from the date of my original purchase. I believe that since it was the first time I had ridden the bike, and it was fitted with all terrain wheels, that the parts were faulty. I would like to be reimbursed $_____ for repairs according to the conditions in the warranty.

I am confident that we can readily solve this problem. I anticipate being free on _______ this week, after ____. Could you please contact me on __________ to arrange a time convenient to you, to discuss and resolve the issue? Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours faithfully,

Kathryn Randall

The blanks are the parts where I didn't know the information, seeing as we weren't allowed to do the exam out of class. The actual letter I wrote for the exam was so much worse, but at least I've done this. I know I can do well, just not under exam conditions, or something. I'm going to stop beating myself up, as Alex said. Okay, okay, so I'm mainly stopping because I'm getting a tutor and because I've realised I'm practically teaching half the class in Maths, but you'll hear no more whinging about grades until next time I get an exam back.

Oh, and Otaku Idol -- I knew that piece was bad. I knew it. I just didn't have time to do what I wanted, so I didn't scrap it and start over, I just submitted it. And at the moment, I don't much care. Partly because of a conversation I had with Luci.

Luci: turns around to face me on the bus. Speaking of supportive boyfriends, guess who told me that you nailed me on the Otaku Idol Entry.
Me: Umm...yours?
Luci: Yeah. I know that I'm not going to do better than you, but does he have to tell me??

So yeah, I was pleased.

And I am pleased.

I have to stop ending my post with one sentence.

2003-06-10T18:00:00.000+10:00

Well, I'm in the middle of exams. Nearing the end, thankfully, or I'd be so much more stressed than I am. Actually, this weekend, I was quite...content. It was sort of exhausting remembering that there were no assignments to do, no exams in the next few days to study for, and nothing to do but laze around. It was really fun, actually. Somewhat odd to think that I've gotten used to the constant pressure of schoolwork, but still fun. Now, I only have two exams -- English [this Thursday] and Chemistry [Next Friday]. One of them is on my birthday. Guess which one, heh. No, seriously, guess.

Oh, is this 'Are mod's too strict?' thread is annoying me. It's gone way out of hand, and in my opinion, it should have been shut down a while ago. Tell me, how are posts such as:

Personally Cloricus and Mnemolth I agree with Poision Tongue. First of Mnemolth you ARE a pompus, self-centered, egtoistical jerk who thinks the world owes him a favor on a sliver platter and you have the right to look down your nose at everyone else. And that you can say whatever the hell you want towards everyone. You do have a "holier than thou." attitude and personally its revolting. You either need to drop the attitude or just leave and do us all a favor. And those damn smilies are annoying, is that why you do that? Just to annoy the hell out of people?

that constructive? Well, either way, somethings going to happen, and I think the mods'll close it when they come online. So...yeah.

I got some test results back the today. I was really worried about these results, because last time I did this test, I got a B1 -- the lowest B you can get. On the day of the exam, I was practically crying because I didn't know how to do it. So we got the results back today, and I find out that I've gotten an A4 -- A5 being the highest mark. I got 28 out of 30. That's great and everything, but the problem at the moment is -- so did other people. Kate Gover, in particular, beat my by half a mark. And so, what I should be feeling -- happiness, smugness, achievement -- is completely replaced be the feeling that what I did, how I did, wasn't good enough. And, of course, we get three papers back during History. I get three A2. Kate, however, gets three A4. So really, while I should be happy, I'm not. And I'd never say this to my friends, who think that it's fine to do well yourself and not worry about what others got, but what's the point of doing well if you're not beating the one person who will make you feel bad for losing? And I know that because I wrote this, and managed to tell people how unhappy I am with this simply wonderful mark, someone is going to get annoyed at me. I just know it. So I'll shut up...

Now

2003-06-07T19:21:00.000+10:00

People gloss over the world too much -- they see people as too black and white. Mercenary is a bad thing, being selfish is a bad thing, and so on. It annoys me sometimes. I'm mercenary -- I don't want to be poor, and if it was a choice between true love and being poor, or mild affection and being rich, I honestly think I would choose money. I just don't think I could stand it. I don't want to have to worry about a mortgage and meals and everything else. I just want it to be there, and to be happy.

Another thing, which some of you know -- I'm deathly afraid of pregnancy. If I found out I was pregnant, I'd probably become hysterical, because I hate pain -- I hate it with all my might. The other options would be abortion -- which I could do, but I just see it as a closed door to me. I don't think I could have an abortion unless it was drastic. Then there's adoption, and keeping the child. Either way, I have to actually have the child, and like I said before -- despite having a high pain threshhold, I'm extremely afraid of pain. And the actual pregnancy part -- sore ankles, swollen belly, constant pressure on the bladder, everything -- I don't want that either. And I'd probably be a bad mother, too. Parenting is a full time job, and I can't stand kids for that long. But I do like kids. I'd probably adopt them, if anything. One about 7, I'd say. A little sweetheart. Boy or girl. Someone who wouldn't normally be picked from the group, because they aren't beautiful, or whatever. That would be my choice. [Lady Mac's thread got me thinking. heh.]

But yeah. There are all these things that are so put down these days -- like, being a house mother. I know there are a lot people who couldn't stand it -- they just aren't that type. But they put down those that are -- "Parenting isn't a real job" , "Oh look, it's Betty Crocker", and so on. Which is terrible. Just because you don't want those things isn't bad. They only time it's bad is when your life operates on that to the exclusion of anything else, but that's always bad.

I don't know. I just think that perhaps this world is too black and white, and that perhaps we should start painting.

2003-06-05T21:37:00.000+10:00

Letter of Irritation

Notice: Literary Revoking

Recipient: Tetia Montgomery

Dear Miss Montgomery,

We regret to inform you the requested novel -- Shatterglass, by Tamora Pierce -- is no longer available, due to defacement of Robert Frost: Biography and Poetry Analyses. This decision has furthermore been reinforced by the fabrications spoken on the 5th of June, 2003. After some study, it has been observed that Georgia Glass was not involved in aforementioned events.

As such, your privileges for the book, Shatterglass have been revoked.

Sincerely,

Kathryn Randall

The Full Story:

At the moment, we're doing a poetry analyses at school -- both Advanced English classes. Tetia is in the other Advanced English, and she is also studying Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken. She needed biography information, and seeing as I had my assignment there and ready, and I had English in 5th period, I pulled it out of this folder I'd been carrying it in -- trying to keep it clean and neat -- and lent it to her. When I manage to get it back from her after lunch, it's crumpled, and what's more, it's been written on. Oh sure, it might be in pencil, but it still scores marks in the paper, and rubbing out the marks fades the words. She tells me that Georgia Glass wrote on it. I go through the paper during the English class, and actually look at the writing -- it's Tetia's, not Georgia's. Georgia's writing is neat and precise -- Tetia's looks like she's just learnt how to write. Now, this is the paper I'd been trying to keep neat and clean, because if I hand it in like that, I feel like scum. And so when I hand it in, it's crumpled, and has scores from being written on, and faded where I had to rub stuff out, and I'm feeling bad and about to cry -- all because I lent it to my friend because she needed help.

So I found a solution and suitable punishment -- ignore her until my rage goes away, write above Letter of Irritation, and final, withhold a book that I have out of the library, that she's dying to read and that -- if I don't give to her -- will take her at least 3 months to get her hands on.

And who says revenge isn't sweet?

What? I'm not an angel. The entire English class was positively painful, and I felt humiliated for being about to burst into tears. I cannot deal with humiliation. Obviously, I'm not just going to let it go.

2003-06-03T22:31:00.000+10:00

People think too much. Worry too much. About the future. I know that I'm flighty, and ditzy, and that I think to quickly and am impatient with conversation and everything else. But at least I don't dwell. That could be construed as bad, I suppose, but from where I'm standing, it's great.

I just wish I knew why people worry. Everything is a means to an end. You go to school so you can get into uni, but if you aren't getting good marks in High School, there are other ways to get to University. They might take a while longer, but if you want to, you can get there.

And, well, I don't know. I just think that 'flitting' from thought to thought -- as mum puts it -- can be helpful sometimes. I don't know why I do that, but Mum says it's because I get distracted easily, and I think to fast, so that I'll be speaking about something, but my brain will be thinking about something else, and I switch topics. The change makes perfect sense to me of course, but not to a lot of other people. And it can get frustrating.

Sometimes I feel like a queen without my throne. A princess without my crown. Or rather, a ruler without my land -- and my subjects. It sounds odd, and arrogant, and probably really off too, but I feel like I should be a ruler, and sometimes it just pains me to see the...equality, I suppose. I don't mean to sound that I want to be better than everyone else. It just feels like I could do something better than this, and that there are people out there who could look up to me and follow me. But I guess I'm just dreaming, as usual.

I did my speech today. A lot of people know that, because I told them how good I did, but it was really only for someone to say "Yeah, Kathryn, that was great. I really liked it. It was coherant, and it showed a lot of insight", or something. Anything. I'm really paranoid about school work, and just being told that I did well isn't enough.

It was a Poetry Analysis, and on Robert Frost and his poem "The Road Not Taken". On paper, it doesn't look good, too me at least. It sounded all right, though, so I suppose that all that counts.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

"Poetry is what gets lost in translation."
Robert Frost.

Robert Frost was born on the 26th of March, 1874, in San Francisco, to Isabelle Moody and William Prescott Frost. His father drank and gambled, and in 1876, his mother – who was expecting another child – went east for a while, until his father was diagnosed as having consumption. In 1883, Frost started to hear voices when he is left alone, and his mother told him that he had her gift for “second hearing,” and “second sight”.

He had many set backs – in 1885 – Frost entered the 3rd grade, while his sister, who was two years younger than he – entered the fourth. His annoyance with schooling is illustrated by his words ‘Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.’

In 1890, Robert Frost published his first poem, “La Noche Triste”, and, in 1916, Robert Frost published perhaps one of his most famous poems, “The Road Not Taken.”

“The Road Not Taken” can be interpreted two ways. The first is a shallow choice – simply accepting that events such as these actually happened. The second says that this entire poem is a big metaphor for the choices in life, and certainly, the second has more evidence in the poem to support it.

The scene is set in the first three lines; a road separates, and a man has to choose between the two paths. He peers down one road, considering it, then looks to the other in the second stanza.

The other path seems just as nice, and Frost feels that it has a better claim, because it ‘was grassy, and wanted wear’. It hasn’t been travelled as much. However, Frost notes in his next lines ‘Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same”, that the steps were heavy – and, on a metaphorical level – more influential.

‘And both that morning equally lay in leaves no steps had trodden black,’. Here, Frost refers to that fact that if leaves are trodden on with too much weight, or too often, that the leaves will bruise, and turn black.

Keeping ‘the first for another day!’ Frost chose the second road, saving the first road to go back to later. ‘Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back’. This is the most powerful evidence that the poem is metaphor – after all, it is always possible to retrace your steps, unless the decisions aren’t physical. And here, Frost is speaking about how there will always be new decisions, and that once you have made an action, you cannot recant it.

In the last stanza, Frost speaks of the future, and how he will surely – at some point – regret his decision. ‘I shall be telling this with a sigh, somewhere ages and ages hence.’

And finally, in his last three lines of the poem, he concludes by saying, quite simply, that by choosing the second path, his entire life is different to what it could have been. The little choice has ‘made all the difference’.

In 1963, after several family deaths, sickness, a Pulitzer Prize, a Bellingen Prize for Poetry, and 5 books published, Robert Frost died on the 29th of January.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

2003-06-03T21:53:00.000+10:00

Exam Revision -- God Help Us All

What was the Renaissance? The Renaissance was the 'rebirth' of the Classical period, and took place between the 14th and 16th Century.

List 5 significant aspects/features of the period. The Renaissance was characterised by more interest in knowledge and science, more freedom for women, great interest in painting and art, tyranny by the church and significant improvements in medicine.

Name 3 significant people and their achievements. Three significant people in the Renaissance period are Margaret Cavendish -- one of the first Sci-fi writers, Leonardo DaVinci -- painter of the Mona Lisa, and Rodrigo Borgia -- corrupt Pope Alexander.

What was humanism? Humanism was the renewed interest in the human body and its movements.

Where did the Renaissance occur? Why? The Renaissance occured in Europe, particularly Italy, and was because of the spread of travel and with it, new ideas.

Describe the role of a patron. How did they contribute to the Renaissance? A patron payed artists to paint for them. They encouraged the spread of art and allowed the artists to live on their budgets, thus freeing the artists to paint instead of toil in paddocks.

Who was Savanarola? What did he speak out against? Why? What happened to him? Savanarola was a Dominican priest, who believed that he was sent to warn people of imprending doom. He spoke out against Lorenze Medici for his support of 'Pagan Arts', and in the end, he was executed for ignoring the excommunication place on him by the pope.

Describe perspective. How did it change painting[s]? Perspective is the building block of the 3rd Dimension, and it changed painting by making it seem more realistic.

What was the role/impact of the church in the Sixteenth century? Why did people want to change it? Suring the 16th Century, the Church was heavily influential and corrupt. People wanted to change it because they were tired of the corruption and being pressed down upon by the pope and his underlings.

When was Cosimo De Medici born? When did he die? Who did he sponser? Cosimo was born in 1519, and died in 1574. He sponsered Benvenuto Cellini.

Write 3-4 facts about Lorenzo DeMedici. Lorenzo DeMedici comissioned Bottecelli's Venus, and was the grandson of Cosimo DeMedici. Lorenzo managed to make his son a cardinal.

Write 3-4 facts about the printing press. The printing press was invented by Johann Gutenburg. It was able to stop the men having to hand copy the books. It made books less expensive.

Who was Vesalius? What did he achieve? Andreas Vesalius was a humanist. He was also an anatomist. He used to cut open bodies to see their anatomy, and was one of the first doctors to correct the impression of anatomy.

Who/what were the lollards? Lollards were followers of John Wycliff. They read the bible and used it to condemn the high powers of the church.

What was excommunication? Why were people excommuniacted? Excommunication was when the church gave an edict that the person could not be spoken to, and was used because they had given ideas or opinions opposing the church.

What were indulgences? Indulgences were things the church sold in order to halve the time in purgatory.

Who was Martin Luther? Write 8-10 facts about him and his impact on the Reformation. Martin Luther was born in Saxony, Germany. He was a Professor of Biblical Studies. He wrote the 95 Theses, and nailed it to the church door. At the Diet of Worms, he refused to recant what he had said. He was taken into the protection of Elector Frederick. There wer paintings drawn of Luther as the devil's instrument. Pope Leo X described Luther as a 'wild bore'. Luther became a revolutionary because of all the opposition he faced.

What was the Reformation? The Reformation was the break of the protestants from the Catholic church, because they disliked the way the church was run.

2003-06-03T18:40:00.000+10:00

Ask me what's the wrong way, and I'll ask you if there's a right way.

2003-05-31T11:33:00.000+10:00

Well, I'm bored, with nothign to say. So,instead, i decided to inflict some of my poetry on you. Ha! And they say water is the worst form of torture.

Fly Me Higher

Fly me -- higher -- over the stars
Fly me over the sky.
Show me the ropes, learn my lines,
Teach me how to fly?

I want to see the clouds again
I need to feel the wind
I've been grounded for so long now
I'm starting to doubt my wings.

Take me away from these places
Show me a better life.
I'm looking foward to see the past
Half expected strife.

Only I hold myself down
Like a burden of three
So help me love -- I'm begging you
My Sky Legs have failed me.

2003-05-30T15:55:00.000+10:00

Ah, fanfiction -- the funnest way to waste time. I belong to the Harry Potter Fandom, and've written a few stories which aren't that bad. I am, in fact, one of mediocre writers. It's lots of fun. No, I'm never giving any of you a link to aforementioned stories, because compared to other things I've done, they're terrible. Besides which, most are dark, angsty stories filled with sadistic past lives and Voldemort. By the way, it is Voldemort, not Voldermort. [Sorry. Pet peeve.] At the moment, I'm working on this odd piece with what I consider a pretty nice style, so all is well.

Yes, I really how ditzy I sound in that past paragraph, and quite frankly, on this occasion, all impressions are true. I'm feeling quite ditzy.

*claps* I'm going insane.

Anyone want to fall with me? Or break my fall? ^.^

2003-05-29T17:44:00.000+10:00

*hugs Liam* Ish okay. Like I said before -- I had an ulterior motive. I wanted some of that cheesecake. Ish my favorite type, so I was really pleasing myself.

Argh. Nothing to post, nothing to say -- I still hate school, but I couldn't be bothered complaining.

Blah.

2003-05-28T16:23:00.000+10:00

Sneak Peak

Usually, a tale such as this would start with “Once upon a time”. But those words bring expectations – such as “Happily ever after” – that this story simply cannot fulfill. That said, I begin.

This country of Girawen has long been subject to a corrupted feudal system. Elves sent here to protect the land have, instead, slaughtered it. They have, as in most systems such as these, taken advantage of the weak and preyed on the innocent. I am one of these Elven people.

I’m not ashamed of my ability to manipulate people – nor of my position in this world – but I am ashamed of my actions when one considers two young Elves. They were not at all compatible, and children who would disobey their parents in the name of ‘love’ are certainly of no use to our world. But none-the-less, I cannot help wondering what may have happened had this course of events not happened.

Otaku Idol Competition

Well, it's supposed to be a fairy tale, but the way people write fairytales always seems sloppy to me, so *wince* I just hope I can do this without doing something wrong.

2003-05-26T16:49:00.000+10:00

Welcome to this month's crap-a-thon. I've just found out -- joy -- that Mum's tax return means that we're in debt to the government, and that because it's late, we have to pay even more money. Money that we just don't have. I know we haven't mentioned this to most people, but we aren't very much in the black. It'd take, maybe, one disaster to bring us over. But that doesn't really matter, because we have enough money for our education because of trust funds after dad's death.

I'm so sick of school. I'm beyond words with this whole "sick of school" thing. It jsut isn't funny anymore.

2003-05-22T16:42:00.000+10:00

Ugh. I'm tired, and somewhat cold, and I'm feeling like crap. I'm so sick of school -- especially the assignments, because I can't do them, and I don't know how to do them, and no one ever helps me [even when I ask for help!] and I just can't do it anymore. So I'm thinking of getting a tutor or something. A lot of people will say I don't need it, but everytime I get a B, or a low A, it feels like a knife cut. I just can't stand to do that anymore.

Oh, a note to Sere; I'm sick of this. Screw it. I'm not going to play this part again. I've already been through this kind of friendship, and I'm not going to put up with it from you. I'm cutting my losses now.

Garg. I've just found out about this Writing Competition we have to do, and I'm so pissed off. I can't write very well under normal situations, and under competitions it's worse. I muck up, or I don't address the question, or something other completely inane.

I'm so hungry. Can't think straight. I'm just glad that what I have typed so far was coherant. ^.^

2003-05-20T11:11:00.000+10:00

There's a question on Otakuboards [I haven't actually read it, only the title] and it says "Do you believe in the afterlife?" And it brings me back to what I was thinking probably two years ago. I believe in Reincarnation, not an eternal life of bliss in Heaven. I believe that when God spoke about eternal life, it was in the form of Reincarnation, because above all, the Christian religion is to acknowledge what God has done for us. Spending a life of bliss and perfection won't do that; we'll come to take it for granted.

You need the bad, along with the good, so that you can fully appreciate how good it is. If you have nothing but good to compare to, what is that going to do? Nothing. And after a few millenia of pure bliss, one wouldn't even recognise how good the bliss is [aside from the being bored]. That's just silly.

So this is what I believe. I believe that Reincarnation is our Eternal life -- a soul is a soul, no matter what form it takes. I believe life is there to show our souls the good and the bad, so we take don't take it for granted, and that this is heaven. Earth is heaven. Heaven on Earth, and so on.

So, wallowing in the bad won't do anything, because eventually, you'll wake up, take a look around you, and realise, quite simply, that while you were wallowing, there was so much good going on that you needed your bad to balance it out. And if you continue to wallow, you'll continue doing so, until you realise that this life has just slipped away, and you're now, once again, on the path to contentment.

To me, this is the meaning of life.

2003-05-19T20:18:00.000+10:00

"I hate you! You never cared about me, you only cared about your stupid popularity and your stupid postition!"

I stared hard at the friend I had considered a sister moments before. The pain of growing up tore through me, as I realised that this girl wasn't who I'd come to know. She wasn't the one I loved. "If I didn't care for you, why would I be here?"

Silence. Deadening, deafening silence.

My face closed over. I could feel myself shutting off from this stranger; this stranger with my sister's face. I straightened up with the kind of pride that had almost killed me once before, refusing to acknowledge the tears coursing down my face.

I nodded once, then turned and left the room. I may have lost my oldest friend, but there was more to it than that. I'd lost my sister of the soul.

The Golden Twins

Hmm. Hmm hmm hmm. Well, I don't think I'm going to school tomorrow; I just don't want to go, among other things. And I asked Mum if I could stay home, and she said maybe, so I'll see what happens. Argh. Have to go. Bye bye.

2003-05-18T21:20:00.000+10:00

I'm thinking of discontinuing my blog. I mean, what's the point of this? No one is going to stumble across it, and reading it is practically pointless. Anything you want to know, you can ask me. Thus, all reasons for this blog have been completely ruled out. And I'm rather lazy lately. I don't know -- I'm just not sure about it.

Mum came home today, and lots of stuff happened. Erm...yeah...

She gave me an injection pen, which is cool.

Ugh. My heart just isn't in this.

2003-05-12T16:55:00.000+10:00

I love my family. I'm serious. I love them so freakin' much. This morning I woke up feeling like crap. I mean, seriously. But Mum wasn't there, and I didn't want to hold her up when she came to pick us up or anything, so I got ready. Then I had a coughing fit, and my brother goes "That's it, Kate. You're staying home today". So he called Mum and said "Kate's not well."

Mum says "Okay. I'll come have a look when I pick you up." She walks in the door, takes one look at me, and says "Go back to bed, before you collapse."

Did I tell you how much I love my family?

So, anyway, I spent the day doing nothing, which, I've discovered, is so much fun, but only in little doses. I've also finished an assignment, and sent that through e-mail to my teacher. It's a rough draft, and I don't think it was very good, but we'll see how that goes. Eh, I'll post it up on Otaku, too, under the Pigman thing -- Literary Criticisms are not my thing.

2003-05-10T13:01:00.000+10:00

So I went to the doctor, and I said, "Doc, I think there's something wrong with my big toe!" And the doctor said,"Really?"

And I said, "Yeah, really!"

And he said, "Really really?"

"Yeah, really really!"

"Really really really!"

"Yeah! Really really really!"

And then he said, "I think you're lying. I think it's somethin with your chest. You've got a mild form of bronchitis." And sent me on my way. And that's how it went.

Actually, it didn't, but what the heck? It was my rendition of the actual happen. Poetic License, and all that stuff.

Argh, Mitch made me write a poem. Damn his hide. I know it's good for my writing and everything, but like I said to him, I'm not good at it. I never have been. I don't understand the complexities of poetry, and, as such, I cannot write poetry. But I tried, and that's what I unleashed. Actually, it wasn't unleashed as such -- too short to be unleashed -- but it is there.

Oh, this is what I need if you do want to put something on my as yet unmade site:

Title Of Piece:

Name of Author:

Genre:

Length:

Rating:

Summary:

E-mail:

Year Written:

Miscellaneous Information:

Completed:

Heh.

2003-05-10T12:55:00.000+10:00

So I went to the doctor, and I said, "Doc, I think there's something wrong with my big toe!" And the doctor said,"Really?"

And I said, "Yeah, really!"

And he said, "Really really?"

"Yeah, really really!"

"Really really really!"

"Yeah! Really really really!"

And then he said, "I think you're lying. I think it's somethin with your chest. You've got a mild form of bronchitis." And sent me on my way. And that's how it went.

Actually, it didn't, but what the heck? It was my rendition of the actual happen. Poetic License, and all that stuff.

Argh, Mitch made me write a poem. Damn his hide. I know it's good for my writing and everything, but like I said to him, I'm not good at it. I never have been. I don't understand the complexities of poetry, and, as such, I cannot write poetry. But I tried, and

2003-05-08T22:42:00.000+10:00

I am starting a website.

Yes, I did just say that to get your attention [probably would have been better with something like "I am wearing no clothes," but too bad]. It's also true, though. I have it all designed and all, I just haven't downloaded the program that will allow me to start the thing. Anyway, this website is basically a site to host original fiction; there aren't many quality archives out there, unless you know where to look. Originally, it had a dark theme, but now it's light. So, it is really quite well made, but I'm now just, you know, looking for original fiction that can be put up. [If you want to put some work up, then pm or e-mail me and I'll send back a sheet for you to fill out.] I haven't added links to the actual stories yet, because I don't have the actual stories yet, but I'll do that soon. And I'll try to upload the thing soon, too.

Oop. Time to go.

2003-05-06T21:37:00.000+10:00

Ooh, I'm so happy! I just spoke to Amanda -- I've been trying to catch her for a while, but with the time zones and the hemispheres and all, it's been rather difficult. Anyway, she's fine, which is great, because I haven't seen her for a while, and I was getting worried. Her website's apparently looking really good, only she hasn't had time to polish it before uploading it because -- unfortunately -- she's been busy. And her stupid server is down, too, so she can't show me the thing yet. Apparently, the writer's block hasn't changed for a while, but she's going to try to correct that when she gets out of school for the summer.

Andrea sent me a letter, so I'm going to be writing to her soon. Everything's fine over there; Phil is great, Laura's still determined to kill herself by not accepting her sickness, Bec is fine, and all of the kids seem to be happy. She's so much fun in letters; I wish more people would write. It's so crappy that now we have e-mail, and internet, and telephones, and we don't write letters. E-mails I find are often crappy spelling, and half the time, it's so formal!

So, I um, told Phil the nickname you gave him! The funny thing is, he's been called it before so either you're going to have to think of another one or be content to know that it wasn't the first...

...Let me describe the scene around me. I'm sitting on some seats on the platform (5 to be exact). About 3 metres in front of me & just to my left is a train (not mine -- still have a good 20 minutes). Not quite sure where it's headed -- think it would probably be Newcastle. Next to me on the seats is another lady who has just gotten off her mobile & is now sipping coffee & having a smoke. Smoking is a huge thing over here still -- people smoke everywhere. Found it difficult at first, when I first arrived, but I guess its one of those thigns you get used to. The train has jsut gone. You know, I reckon I could write a book about my expiriences in waiting either for trains, buses, or planes or even just my expiriences in transit...mmm...now there's a thought...

...Here's something a bit random -- was walking down to chruch when I noticed a sign in a shop front. "Cook wanted, require within." Found it amusing, & thought how odd that the English need to learn English...

...I'm at Phil's & sitting on the couch while he does the ironing -- he spent 10 minutes attempting to convince me that I really wanted to do it but has (obviously) failed miserably.

That's what I love about letters. The chatty tone, the conversing, despite the fact that you're months away in events, and everything mentioned is from April. It isn't something you do in e-mails, and it really annoys me that we don't. Speaking of letters, I need to write a letter to Colin. I'm not sure about the reply, because he's a genius at Sciences and Maths, but no so in English. Back on track, what I really love about Andy's letter, is that there's a tea stain on one of the pages -- it made me laugh.I've done the same thing.

Ahh...well being. I love this feeling.

Anybody who's reading this, my best wishes to you -- I'm in the middle of the world! ^.~

2003-05-05T19:12:00.000+10:00

I'm so sick of this.

The occasional outburst, the clashes that sometimes happen, I can't handle them. But this constant, nagging anger, the knowledge that because your brother angered your mother, you're going to be in trouble? The screaming, the yelling, the blaming? The foreverness involved in family? The fact that because you're brother is angry, he's going to take it out on you. The knowledge that you're the brunt of anger -- for no reason -- and that it's going to keep happening until you tell them, but you won't, because you think you're mothers gone through enough?

Why do I have to pay for my family's sins?

I can't do this anymore. I just can't.

2003-05-01T19:04:00.000+10:00

Oh, for goodness sake! I'm so very sorry to anyone for being angry at certain people! Please excuse me while I go out of my way to get into fights just to inconvenience you.

Yes, I am still angry at people - about 5 at current count. Must you keep asking?

2003-04-30T22:08:00.000+10:00

This post will quite probably be very short, because I'm typing on borrowed time. But, hey, I haven't put an entry in for a while, and I know someone will pester me if I don't post soon. People do that, for some reason. :rolleyes: Does it really matter if I talk about my day in here or not?

Sometimes I think there's more than one Christian God.Like the God at school, for instance; it isn't, "He's so wonderful, and nice, and great", it's, "Sinfulness is bad, and if you don't believe in God you'll go to Hell." Our last unit in Religion was on "Sinfulness and Reconciliation." Excuse me for breathing, but I honestly believe that God - in any form - should be spoken to on your own, queitly, in the very depths of your being. Not mouthing some words on Assembly. I guess that's really why I like most Religions. I can see everything in them. Just because there are mulitple Gods or Goddesses, doesn't mean it's that different to Christianity. It's the beliefs that count - not the Spiritual ones, but the moral ones.

Miss wants me to enter another competition. Unfortunately, it's poetry, so I don't know how far I'll get with that. It isn't as if I'm going to get into trouble for not winning or anything, but I'd rather not try if I don't have a chance. Apathy is much easier to deal with than failure.

Nasal Rinsing (Jala Neti)

This is one of the most effective ways to improve sinus and allergy problems and to avoid colds and flu. It can be effective in treating some migranes. The practise gives clarity of mind. It is not difficult and if done correctly, is not uncomfortable. It is a basic health practice and should be part of the daily practice of every yoga practitioner.

It is important, however, to be shown how to practice Jala Neti by a qualified teacher.

Some of the benefits of Jala Neti:

Neti removes all the dirt and bacteria filled mucus from within the nose.

It also helps to drain the sinus cavities. This will help reprogram the body's natural mechanisms against nasal infections such as hayfever, allergies sinusitis and other upper respiritory complaints like sore throats and coughs, post nasal drip, inflammation of the tonsils and adenoids.

It is beneficial for illnesses such as asthma and bronchitis as it reduces the tendency for mouth breathing by freeing the nostrils of mucus.

It has a cooling and soothing effect on the brain by drawing out excessive heat, and is therefore beneficial for headaches, migranes, epilepsy, temper tantrums, hysteria, depression, and general mental tension.

Neti is of great benfit for problems associated with the eyes. It helps flush out tear ducts, encouraging clearer vision and gives a sparkle to the eyes.

It helps to stimulate better powers of visualisation and concentration and gives a feeling of lightness and clarity to the mind.

Don't ask me why I just copied that. I felt like it.

2003-04-26T12:00:00.000+10:00

"the crunch (2)"

too much
too little
or too late

too fat
too thin
or too bad

laughter or
tears
or immaculate
unconcern

haters
lovers

armies running through streets of pain
waving wine bottles
bayoneting and fucking everyone

or an old guy in a cheap quiet room
with a photograph of marilyn monroe

there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movemnt of
a clock's hands.

people are tired
strafed by life
mutilated either by love or no
love.

we don't need new governments
new revolutions
we don't need new men
new women
we don't need new ways
we just need to care.

people are not good to each other
one on one.
people are just not good to each other.

we are afraid.
we think that hatred signifies
strength.
that punishment is
love.

we forget the terror of one person
aching in one room
alone
unkissed
untouched
cut off
watering a plant alone
without a telephone that would never
ring
anyway.

people are not good to each other
people are not good to each other
people are not good to each other
people are not good to each other

and the beads swing and the clouds obscure
and dogs piss upon rose bushes
the killer beheads the child like taking a bite
out of an ice cream cone
while the ocean comes in and goes out
in and out
in the thrall of a senseless moon.

and people are not good to each other.

Charles Bukowski

Heh. I promised a friend I'd put that up, so there it is.

Today, I am cold, tired, hungry, and aching. I threw myself off the bed last night, careened into the bookshelf, and ended up sleeping on the floor. I have to say though, the floor is better than the bed I'm sleeping in. That bed is evil. And I figured out that that was what was making me feel sick all the time a few months ago. [I moved into my sister's room about January] I don't know how, but I used to get these waves of nausea -- which stopped when I moved into my sister's room. Stupid, evil bed. And now I'm back, and all of a sudden, I'm getting sick again. Although, that was probably just dormant sickness anyway, but I still consider it bad timing.

I've written no more for the Golden Twins, but I need ideas for a 500 word Magazine Article I need to do, and I'm completely lost. It doesn't help that I'm not brilliant like Josh in Journalism. I can never get my point across clearly, and my mind doesn't work in the order that it should. Then there's the technique -- I don't have it. And this assignment I have needs to go in soon, or they'll lose all hope and cut me off, and that'll be $2000 down the drain. I would so love to send the next assignment in first -- it's short story writing, and I can do that.

I'm definately going to apply for a Student Exchange. I just don't know when. I've talked to Mum, and she said that it's a great idea and that she wished Andrea had. So, she's fine with it. I know I'm going to try to go to Europe -- but I'm not thinking the Czech Republic now, I'm going with the UK. I don't know when I'll apply to go, though. After the Writing Course, and after I've had a job and saved up my money.I'm thinking even doing year twelve, then going and doing year twelve in England or somewhere, where the semesters are different. Then I could even apply for a university there. Obviously, I'd want to come home before I went to university, but I'd probably need to do that anyway to renew the Visa. I know itseems elaborate, but this is all I've planned. I know I want to do Literature or Languages, so I'll look into that.

2003-04-25T12:31:00.000+10:00

Oh. Ish A.N.Z.A.C. Day today. Here:

Mothers, Daughters, Wives

The first time it was the fathers
The last time it was sons
And in between, your husbands
Marched away with drums and guns.
And you never thought to question
You just went on with your lives
Cause all they taught you to be
Was Mothers, Daughters, Wives.

You can only just remember
The tears your mother shed.
As they sat and read their papers
Through the lists and lists of dead.
And the gold frames held the photographs
That the mothers kissed each night,
And the door frames held the shocked
And silent strangers form the fight.

It was twenty-one years later,
With Children of your own,
The trumpets sounded once again,
And the soldier boys were gone.
And you drove their trucks and made
Their guns and tended to their wounds.
And at night, you kissed their photograph
And prayed for safe returns.
And after it was over,
You had to learn again
To be just wives and mothers
When you'd don't the work of men.
So you worked to help the needy,
And you never trod on toes
And the photos on the piano
Struck a happy pose.

Then your daughters grew to women,
And your little boys to men.
And you prayed that you were dreaming,
When the call came up again.
But you smiled and held your tears
As they bravely waved goodbye
And the photos on the mantle piece
Always made you cry.
And now you're getting older
And in time the photos fade.
And in widowhood you sit back and reflect on the parade.
Of the passing of your memories
As your daughters change their lives.
Seeing more to our existance,
Than just Mothers, Daughters, Wives.

The first time it was the fathers,
The last time it was sons,
And in between, your husbands
Marched away with drums and guns.
And you never thought to question
You just went on with your lives
'Cause all they taught you to be
Was Mothers, Daughters, Wives.

Judy Small.

2003-04-25T10:50:00.000+10:00

Gee, Sere, isn't that nice? I just love those inverted comma's around the word friends. Makes one feel sooo wanted.

You think that talking to James and Charles changes it? You think, that, because I am sociable, that I simply must have talked to them, only to get the Moderator position? That's bullshit! I talk to james, and Charles, because, quite simply, I like them! I consider them friends. They encourage me, and we talk. So what?

You think I've been in a position where people look up to me? You think I ever get a chance to organise things, and to help make something better? For god's sake Sere, my entire group of friends is older than me. It isn't particularly conducive to being in a leadership role, now, is it? Quite frankly, Sere, I think you're being a selfish little bitch. You can't just be happy for us, can you? It has to be about you. The entire thing doesn't affect you in any way. Nothing changes.

That is why you're upset. Because nothing is affecting you.

My god, you have to be the centre of attention all the time, don't you?

2003-04-24T21:47:00.000+10:00

Deipnosophist /dipe-NAHS-uh-fist/

n : someone skilled at across-the-table chit chat

Source: Dictionary

Origin

It comes from two Greek words, deipnon, “dinner” and sophist, “a master of his craft; a clever or wise man”. (From the latter we get our modern word sophistry, which has gone down in the world, so that it means arguments that are undoubtedly clever, but also specious or fallacious.) Its origin is the book of the same name that was written by the Greek Athenaeus in about 228AD, in which a group of learned men discuss a great range of issues over dinner. Though a principal subject is food and the preparation of food, from which we learn a great deal about classical Greek cookery, the subject matter ranges very widely. These days, the word seems to turn up most often in the vocabulary of toast masters.

Source: World Wide Words

Heh. You learn something new everyday, don't you? [No, Sere, this wasn't just to get a pretty picture, it was mainly because I'm a geek. ^_^] I'm quite pleased right now, because I found a new website, and it has all of these odd words, and I've found books that I want to read -- Athenaeus' books. Over 15 volumes of quotes from the greek times. It would be ever so helpful for those debates I'm going to partake in next year, not to mention my school work and speeches. [Coincedentally, I've just found out that Sara's old name; Cera, means "wax" o.O]

Heh. I was talking to James [about a week ago now], and he asked me if I wanted to be a moderator. I wanted to talk to Sere before I posted it in my blog, but I haven't talked to her yet. [>.< Get online, you silly bint! Or e-mail me and tell me when I should!] I don't know if it's happening though, because nothing else has been said, and he didn't know where to put me, so we'll have to see. I talked to Charles afterwards, and he said that he thought I'd do well in the RPG forum or Otaku Lounge. [And any suggestions, just comment and tell me. o.o] Personally, I'd love Otaku Lounge, but there are already three mods working there, I know how much work it would be, and I don't know if James would like to put me there just starting off, especially if it would create an overload of moderators. The RPG forum wouldn't be too bad, though, so I'm wondering. Warlock isn't there very often, and it would be a good expirience. :rolleyes: I have no idea what-so-ever. I'm still hoping that I'm actually going to get it. If I assume something, more often than not, it doesn't happen, and that's so annoying.

Mark, Alison and I went to Grand Central today, and basically did nothing. We went shopping, but didn't buy anything, and they've decided that I am going to dye my hair dark red for Take Note Tour [my god mother is coming to see me in Chatsworth, though, so...eep...] but I can deal with that, because I don't really mind having dyed hair, as long as it doesn't look completely horrible. We went to Target again [always seem to gravitate there. o.O] and tried on a some clothes. Started shopping for Mark, ended shopping for me. Many comments were made about my being a hat person. We bought nothing, anyway. Not even a present for Chantel. Apparently, her birthday is on Monday. She doesn't like it spreaded about -- says it jinxes it or something. I don't know. We went to the Food Court, and had McDonalds, then walked around a bit, and went to the Coffee Club, and drank drinks [thanks to Alison. ^_^]. After that, we bummed around some more, and went to McCafe across the street, and had McDonalds [thanks to Mark. ^_^ (pay you back later, I promise)]. Then we went to the Library, Alison left, and Mark and I went back to Myers to meet my mother, and we [once again] went to Luci's but sat in the car, where Mark kept asking who I liked. [No one. -.- Stop asking.] Then we dropped Mark home, and I had a piece of fish for dinner. ^_^ I had fun. We asked Liam to come, but he gave some excuse that he didn't want to waste petrol or something -- I think he just didn't want to go. This is around the 4th time we've tried to include him, but he keeps saying no. So I don't know what's happening there. :shrug:

I have to catch Charles sometime tomorrow, because his teacher was marking The Ninth Round for him, and I'm really eager to know how he went. She said that it was 'beautiful' -- which bodes well. I was talking to him yesterday [or perhaps the day before] and he said that I was a really good writer -- better than a lot of people in his class, and they were about 5 years older than me. I was so pleased then, because, as much as I know that someone bothering to critique you is a compliment, on occassion, I prefer compliments that don't require picking apart every inch of my work and finding every fault. Call me a wierdo.

I'm thinking about creating The Golden Twins so that it's almost always first person view, and it switches between Elli and Theresa's views -- Elli tells everything, but Theresa tends to muse more about life in general, often to do with events Elli has described. So sometimes there'll be these little breaks where Theresa's point of view takes over, saying "Elli doesn't do this very often, but when she does, it's so annoying..." or something. And then it resumes on Elli's point of view from where it left off, and there'll never be any dialogue on Theresa's part. At least, that's what I'm thinking about. I have no plot yet, though, so that's somewhat unhelpful.

But hey, you can't rush creativity, now, can you?

2003-04-22T18:15:00.000+10:00

Heh. Well. Today was a good day. Not as good as, say, going to Dreamworld or something, but so much better than tomorrow will be. You see, tomorrow, I shall be cleaning up as soon as I wake up, because I have cousins. And they are coming to greet me.

Honestly, I hate it when Adrian and Bryce come over. I really despise it. Quite simply, they were the ones who traumatised me so much when I was little. It wasn't physical; I'd hate them so much that I couldn't look at them when they came over. But it isn't that simple. All they did was call me names, and refuse to let me participate in anything they did, because I was 'a girl'. Then they said I was fat - the earliest memory I have of them was them calling me fat. The next was exclusion. Whenever we came over for a night, both Michael and I would need to be separated - Michael in one room, myself in the other. They fought over who had to have me. "No, you have her." "No, you!" But that isn't why I don't want to see them tomorrow. It's what happened last time I saw them. Adrian gave me a Chinese burn so intense my wrist was swollen for days afterward. The reason? I was playing the Gameboy, because I didn't want to play the playstation. It wasn't even their gameboy or game! It was mine!

I've started the story. I've had this story in my head for ages now, and I've finally succumed to writing it. I'm calling it "The Golden Twins", but I don't know the plot yet. This is really all I've done.

I have golden hair,
You have golden smiles,
We are the golden twins,
We’ve been together for miles.

Theresa stood up and turned off my Gameboy. I watched the screen fade before I dropped it on my pillow and turned toward her with a glare. “What’d you do that for?”

She flicked her hair off her shoulder, totally unrepentant, as usual. “You play it too much, anyway. It’s bad for your eyes.”

“There’s nothing else to do.”

“You could go outside.” I sat up and turned pointedly towards the window. The sun was glaringly bright, and the grass was brown. The front yard was bare of anything to do. “Okay, I see your point.”

There was a second of silence before I spoke. “I was on the last level.”

She shrugged, and sat down on the bed, making me move over or be squished beneath. “So it didn’t matter if you finished or not. You’d already seen everything.”

“That’s warped logic.”

She smiled wryly and sent a sardonic glance at me. “It’s your logic.”

“You know me too well.” I grumbled, picking at my nails. She slapped my hand away from my face. We both end up grinning. “Bitch.”

“Whore.”

Silence again. Not the boy-girl kind, but the kind where we’re both thinking. “Where are you going for High School?”

“I don’t know. With Mum and Dad separating…”

I didn’t need her to go on. Jean and Rob were great, but they weren’t meant for each other. After three years on the rocks, they were finally ready to call it quits. Theresa knew it, accepted it, and moved on.

“What about you?”

“St. Katherine’s College. Private, co-educational, Catholic. Everything we could ever need.”

A shriek of laughter erupted from her mouth. “Catholic! You?”

I smiled sheepishly, blushing a little bit. “Well, you know. Phyllis thinks it’s a good idea.”

Theresa rolled her eyes. “I can never understand why you don’t call them Mum and Dad.”

“They have real names. They aren’t just this position; they’re people. It’s my way of respecting them.”

“Do they know that?”

2003-04-21T22:51:00.000+10:00

Been to the Bunya Mountains. I'm nearly dead now. But it was fun, once you got past the walking and the running and the looking after kids and the other stuff one does. It was hard work, and I'm struggling for coherancy at 10:30, which is unusual. I'm often the life of the party at this time. Anyway, Mark came along for the ride, and it was an 'interesting expirience' [his words]. I don't know what that means, but I had fun, with some little hitches.

The first hitch was the walk. While the walk itself was easy, and the pace was fine, dragging along the kids was not. Rowan got tired, James got a blister, Chiara ran from the front of the group to the back, Mark probably almost fell a couple of times. We had to carry them some of the way, too. And them Mum grabbed some bush, and it just happened to be the kind that makes your hand sting. So we poured some Coke on it, and it magically became worse. She hurried off. The James had to go to the toilet. Of course, we had no toilets, so that sucked.But we got back all right, ate lunch, and had fun. Besides, I could complain to Mark the whole time ^_^

We got back, ate lunch, played a bit, then went to winerys and came home about 7 or so. Mark stayed till 9:30 or so and we dropped him home. The talking thing is so much fun - and it doesn't cost.

All in all, despite my complaining, I had a really good time. ^_^